


It's not easy to be me

by HiguT



Category: Glee
Genre: Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:07:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25098115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiguT/pseuds/HiguT
Summary: Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson used to know each other. They used to know each other better than anybody else. They knew every secret there is to know but things have changed.When you’re a sophomore, you can’t be invisible at McKinley High. When one is at the top of the food chain and the second is feared by everybody, things can’t be the same.Secrets become too much to bear and promises have to be kept.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Comments: 17
Kudos: 16





	1. Time to play the game

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everybody !  
> I hope you will enjoy this story. It's a translation of a FF I wrote seven years ago in French. I will be changing some things as some issues and scenes are not things I want to revisit. But it is a story that means a lot to me and I'm happy to be sharing it here with you.  
> A few information : this will be a little bit dark. There will be mentions of mental health issues, nothing too graphic.  
> I will put a warning should there be anything that could be upsetting. 
> 
> Should you want to know more, you can find me here on twitter : @HiguTsuki

**I don’t own glee.**

* * *

  
  


_ Time to play The game _

« It's all about the game, and how you play it  
All about control, and if you can take it  
All about your debt, and if you can pay it  
It's all about pain, and who's gonna make it »

The game- Motorhead

* * *

_ February  _ _ 2009 _

Kurt looked at his red cheerio uniform in the mirror and smiled. He looked good. He looked perfect. He looked powerful.

Sometimes, it was still hard to believe. At the beginning of the year, he had understood that he had to change in order to survive at McKinley High. There were only two ways: cheerios or football. He had not been sure that he would make it, but after his audition for the team, Sue Sylvester had been impressed. She had never told him, but he knew she had been.

Then, everything had changed. Suddenly, he had found himself with a precious group of friends.

Brittany was sweet and innocent. Santana was the biggest bitch he had ever met. Quinn was manipulative. Mercedes was nice and had become his best friend. He worried about her joining the Glee Club, but mostly, everything was fine.

Now, Kurt was at the top. He was dating Brittany even though he did not love her. He did not care about that, he knew that she did not love him either.

Brittany was in love with Santana.

Santana was in love with Brittany.

They were Sophomores trying to survive High School and they could not come out. So, Kurt turned a blind eye to their relationship. He pretended not to see. It brought him peace, to know that he was not alone and that they were going through what he was himself experiencing.

The football players had made fun of him, at first, back when his uniform was brand new and he was still trying to get used to being a cheerio. It had scared him until Brittany had asked him out and he had said yes.

Dating her meant being popular. It meant being one of the guys and not getting taunted. He could live with that.

He had to be patient.

Soon, he thought as he stared at himself, they would be powerful enough to change things. If they did not, then it was okay. He had to survive until college. Then, he would be free. New York would welcome him with open arms and he would get to be himself.

* * *

  
  


“Porcelain! My office! Now!” Sue Sylvester roared.

Kurt sighed but put his books in his locker before following her. He could tell that nothing good would happen to him.

He only had to survive for a couple of hours. Then, he would be on holidays and he would be able to get some well-deserved rest.

“You wanted to see me, coach?”

“Mel twisted her ankle.”

Mel was their Captain. She was good. Kurt respected her. Then again, he also hated her.

“How bad is it?”

“Bad enough for you to take the lead.”

“What?!”

“I don’t have a choice,” Sue sighed. “We have to win. Figgins is on my back. The stupid Glee Club is doing Madonna week so you and Mercedes are singing.”

“Coach...”

“4 Minutes. Duet. The others will back you up. We win.”

Sometimes, Kurt was terrified of Sue Sylvester. Now, he was more surprised than anything else.

“I can’t even sing!” Kurt protested.

“Don’t lie to me, my sweet Porcelain. I heard you sing with Mercedes.”

“Fine,” Kurt sighed. “I’ll do it.

“That’s better. Now, get out of my office.”

Kurt closed the door behind him and found Mercedes in the hallway. He liked her, adored her even, but he did think that she was way too nice. It would not help at McKinley. Kurt needed people who were willing to claw their way out to survive. Santana was the perfect example. She was willing to do anything to leave this town.

Still, Kurt thought of Mercedes as his best friend. She was a good listener and Kurt could use a little bit of kindness in this madness.

He grabbed Mercedes's arm softly and gave her a smile before letting her know about their duet. She was excited, he was not. Glee Club had been his biggest regret, even though he would never admit it. He was not sure that singing in front of everyone was something good for him. Then again, he could not go against Sue Sylvester’s order.

He left the building after his talk with Mercedes in order to smoke. He knew it was awful, one of the worst decisions of his life. Smoking was wrong. For his health. It smelled terrible. Yet, it relaxed him and he needed an outlet.

He would have to sing in front of an audience.

Fuck.

“You do realize that this is our ground, right?”

Kurt sighed yet again. This day was the worst. He only asked for peace, was it too much to ask? He turned around and faced the curly boy that was leaning on the wall.

“Do I look like I care, Anderson?”

“You have your little realm, Hummel, leave ours alone.”

“Are you playing messenger, now?”

“I am the messenger.”

“You know what they say? Killing the messenger sends a message.”

“You wish you could kill me.”

“I could, you know.”

“If you wanted to,” Blaine laughed. “But you don’t. You know I’m the only one to know every single one of your secrets.”

“Shut up.”

“How is it, uh? Dating Brittany and having to be with her all day long? Pretending to be the biggest jackass in this school when you dream about Broadway and boys? How is it, to forget who you are? Tell me, Kurt. I’m curious.”

That was all he needed right now. Blaine Anderson. Skank leader. Ex-best friend. Ex-Boyfriend. Well, ex-fling anyway. First kiss. Fist love. The only person to know his real secret. New enemy.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kurt muttered.

“Don’t I? We both know the truth.”

“You used to know me, Anderson. I’ve changed. So have you.”

“You made your choice, without letting me know and I had to...”

“Stop talking. If your girls saw you, they would kick your ass. You are their leader, you’re supposed to be a rebel. You know your place, so go back to your girlfriend and leave me alone.”

Kurt saw something changed in Blaine’s hazel eyes. His heart was suddenly beating faster. He could not deny that Blaine was beautiful. More beautiful than in his memory. He was happy to see him so close, no matter how dangerous it was.

Then, Blaine pushed him against the wall, softly. Kurt let him, for a reason he did not want to understand. He watched his arms circling him, his hands against the wall. He was stuck.

“What are you doing?” Kurt growled.

“I’m helping you remember.”

Blaine’s lips were on his and Kurt could not take it. It was too much. Should he kissed back, he knew he would never stop kissing Blaine. He could not lose everything. Not even for Blaine Anderson.

So he pushed him back.

“What is wrong with you?!”

“Kurt.”

It was the first time in months that Blaine was calling him Kurt. He had missed hearing his name.

“Fuck you, Anderson. You don’t know me!”

“Fine, two can play the game, Hummel. I’ll pretend that I don’t know you’re hurting. I’ll pretend that I don’t know you hate this and that you’re depressed. Remember this though, no matter how much I pretend, one thing will never change. You. Are. Not. My. Enemy. You never were. You never will be. You may have forgotten, but I haven’t. Unlike you, I’m faithful. I was telling the truth when I promised to look after you and when I told you I was in love with you last summer.”

What? Kurt was in trouble.

“Look, I have to go. You should know your place, seriously. We are in Lima, at McKinley High, Blaine. You belong with the Skank. Don’t ruin everything. I hope I won’t see you again, Anderson.”

“Right. I know you like the game. I’m ready.”

“For what?”

“I’m ready to be the cat.”

“Does that make me the mouse?”

“Let’s switch things up.”

Kurt walked faster, willing himself not to run. He could not let Blaine know that it was getting to him.

“Porcelain!” Santana said. She took his hand and lead him to the bleachers. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Look, I don’t know what you saw but it’s not what you think,” Kurt said.

“Anderson kissed you. You didn’t seem to mind.”

“Tana.”

“Come on, Kurt. I know he likes you.”

“Let’s make a deal, okay? You pretend you didn’t see anything and I’ll pretend I don’t know you’re hooking up with Brit and that you’re in love with her.”

“You know?”

There was fear in Santana’s eyes for the first time. Kurt’s heart broke a little for her but he didn’t let it show. She had to know that he was serious.

“Please. I’m not an idiot. Brit is adorable but she’s not good at hiding. You’re not either, by the way.”

“Is this why you won’t sleep with her?”

“She told you?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not in love with her, Tana. She’s a friend to me. Like you are. You may be a bitch but I respect you. I can’t sleep with Brit when I know you two love each other. Making out in the hallway is one thing, going further privately? I can’t do that. It’s not who I am.”

“Thank you.”

“Do we have a deal?”

Santana rolled his eyes but intertwined their pinkies together.

“Fine. I want to know what’s going on between you and Anderson.”

“Nothing much to say. You know he used to be my best friend. I became popular, you guys made me ditch him and he became a Skank.”

“You know I didn’t mean to, right?” Santana said sadly. “I had to.”

“I know. None of us did.” Kurt shook his head. “So yeah. He got pierced and changed his clothes and now he’s a Skank.”

“But he wants you back.”

“Seems like it.”

“Were you dating?”

“No. We kissed, once. That was it.”

“I did not expect that.”

“Tana, please don’t tell anyone. I can’t lose my reputation. Not even for him.”

“Relax. I got your back. I never forget a deal.”

“We should go.”

“Yeah, Sylvester is gonna have our ass if we don’t move.”

* * *

Santana had been right. Sue Sylvester was mad. Not at them though. The poor Jenny suffered, however.

As soon as their training was done, Kurt left. His teammates had not commented on his voice, but he did not want to hear them talk.

When he got back home, he said hi to Carol and went straight to his room. He let himself fall on his bed and he thought about Blaine.

Stupid Blaine.

He had done everything in his power to forget him. He had ignored him as much as he could.

He had pretended that Blaine was only a Skank. That they did not know each other.

It was not true.

His phone rang next to him and Kurt sighed when he read the text.

_I hope you are getting ready. I can’t wait to play. Enjoy the peace, K. You know it won’t last long – B_

**Why are you texting me? Why do you still have my number? – K**

**I don’t want to play your stupid game. You’re ridiculous, Anderson. Go back to screwing whoever you’re screwing right now and leave me alone – K**

_Are you jealous? I have my people. You have your cheerleader. Having fun with her? – B_

**You know what? Fuck you. FYI, yes, I am. More than I would with you. – K**

_Who says I want to have fun with you? – B_

**You piss me off. Blocking you. – K**

_I’m sorry. I really am. Look, I’m serious. I love you, Kurt. I’ll wait. A year. Two. Ten. I don’t care about your popularity. I don’t care about what people will say but I know that you do. So I’ll wait. But I can’t take this. Please don’t hide from me anymore. – B_

**Is it still a game? Pick a side, Anderson. Rebel, then sweet and charming? Leave. Me. Alone. – K**

_Fine. Don’t do anything stupid, please. – B_

Kurt did not answer. He did not have to. He threw his phone away and put his pillow on his head. He hated being mean to Blaine but he could not stop now. He could not turn back no matter how much he wanted to.

Damn him and his stupid curls. His stupid mouth. His eyes, so bright and loving. His stupid leather jacket.

Damn him and his stupid game.


	2. Animal Have I Become

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautiful people, 
> 
> I hope you will like this chapter. 
> 
> Should you want to know more about, reminder that you can follow me on Twitter : @HiguTsuki
> 
> Enjoy !

_«_ So what if you can see the darkest side of me ?  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become »

Animal I have become – Three Days Grace

* * *

_ February 2009 _

The break was over and it, unfortunately, meant that Kurt had to go back to pretending. He had to make believe that he was the best boyfriend and that he was in love. He had to pretend that he was tough and cold.

He held his head up high in front of the mirror in his room and took a deep breath.

He was Kurt Hummel and he was on the top. His best friends were Santana Lopez, Quinn Fabray, and Mercedes Jones. His step-brother was Finn Hudson. He hung out with Samuel Evans. He was dating Brittany S.Pierce and people needed to remember that he was to be feared.

His first order of business was to remind the losers of the school who he was.

He took out his cellphone from his pocket and typed out a message with shaky fingers.

**I need you both. Time for us to take over the school by storm. Let’s remind people that they are nothing compared to us. You in? –K**

_ Good idea, Kurt. What can the football team do for you? – Sam _

_ **Well someone is full of energy this morning. What’s the plan? – Santana** _

**Sam, push Jacob and his friends around, will you? – K**

**Tana, slushies for the Glee Club. – K**

_ I’m in. They’ll wait for you in line in front of the dumpsters. – Sam _

_ **Q is in. Mercedes won’t and Brit is too innocent for this but I’m in as well. Berry is already pissing me off so I’ll take care of her. Is this about Anderson? – Santana** _

**I’ll take care of Tina. Q can deal with whoever she wants. – K**

**No, it has nothing to do with him. I just want people to remember that we are on top. – K**

* * *

  
  


Kurt arrived at the parking lot with Finn. They lived together and Kurt’s car was getting repaired so Finn was driving him to school.

“Dude?”

“Finn, don’t call me dude, please,” Kurt sighed. “What is it?”

“Are you planning something?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Sam is looking at you. Santana is with him.”

“So?”

“I don’t know. Are you going after the Glee Club again?”

“Why do you care?”

“I’m in the Glee Club! They are cool.”

“They messed with your brain. Look, I have things to do. Like, greet my wonderful girlfriend.”

“Kurt...”

“Thank you for the drive, Finn. See you later.”

Kurt slammed the door shut and walked up to the three people waiting for him. Brittany ran up to him and jumped in his arms. He played along, putting his hands on her hips as she pressed her lips to his.

“Hi,” Kurt whispered.

Kurt wondered how he could do this. He was gay, he knew it. Yet, there was something about Brittany that made it easy. She was always gentle and sweet with him and it made things less complicated.

“Kurtie! I’ve missed you.”

“Missed you too. Hi, Santana. Sam.”

Kurt looked at Santana straight in the eyes and they both nodded. The message was clear. She knew that he was only playing along. He knew that she had spent the break with Brittany. They were okay.

Sam high-fived him and gave him a warm smile.

“They are waiting for you,” He said.

“Who? The aliens?” Brittany asked.

“No,” Kurt replied softly. “I have to do things with Sam. Tana will walk you to class, okay?”

“Okay. Let’s go, San.”

“Yes, let’s. See you later, boys.”

Kurt gave one last kiss to Brittany for show and watched her leave with Santana, their pinkies joined between them. Sam put a hand on his shoulder.

“Ready for the show?”

“Yes. What better way to start the week?”

“Nothing better. I’m impressed, Hummel. Disappointed Finn is not joining us, though.”

“I didn’t tell him. He’s with the Glee Club.”

“I swear these guys are eating his brain. We need to take care of it.”

“Way ahead of you, Evans. I’m taking care of it later with Tana and Q.”

“You are the best!” Sam laughed. “Do you think of everything?”

“Of course I do. Come on, let’s go. We don’t want to be late for class.”

The time had come. Everything had gone according to plan. Three members of Glee Club had been welcomed back with slushies: Rachel Berry had gotten two of them because Quinn wanted her to stop going after Finn. Tina had gotten one from Kurt. Finn had been slushied by Sam and the football team without Kurt even having to say anything.

Kurt had felt bad because he liked his step-brother. He could not help him though. Finn was playing with fire by joining the Glee Club and Kurt could not protect him.

Now, he had to win that stupid championship and he could not believe that the competition was being held in McKinley High of all places, which meant that the whole school would witness it.

“Are you nervous?” Mercedes asked.

“A little,” He admitted.

“Kurt, before we go, I need to ask. Why did you slushie, Tina?”

“They have to remember their place,” Kurt whispered.

“Come on, I know you. Deep down, you are not mean. What is the problem?”

“You’re too nice. I did what needed to be done. We have to go.”

“Good luck, Kurtie!” Brittany smiled as she gave him a hug.

“Thank you, honey.”

“You will be fantastic, I’m sure. Want us to meet later?”

“Yes.”

Brittany kissed him and he winked at her before going to the center of the gym, Mercedes by his side. He looked around the assembly and almost choked. Blaine Anderson was leaning against a wall, the Skanks were with him and he was staring right at Kurt.

  
  


**[Mercedes]**   
**Hey! uh! come on! Kurt uh!**

Kurt shook his head and quickly put on his poker face. He was not going to let Blaine Anderson get to him. Not when he had a championship to win.

**[Kurt]**   
**Come on girl I've been waiting for somebody**   
**To pick up my stroll.. uh**

**[Mercedes]**   
**Well don't waste time give me the sign**   
**Tell me how you wanna roll**

**[Kurt]**   
**I want somebody to speed it up for me**   
**Then take it down slow**   
**There's enough room for both**

**[Mercedes]**   
**Well, I can handle that you just gotta show me where is there**   
**Are you ready to go, are you ready to gooooo**

**[Kurt & Mercedes]**   
**If you want it you already got it**   
**If you thought it, it better be what you want**   
**If you feel it, it must be real just**   
**Say the word and Imma give you what you want**

  
  


Kurt watched Blaine and he seemed to be fascinated by the performance. He almost missed his cue, too focused on the intensity of Blaine’s eyes.

**[Kurt]**   
**Time is waiting**

**[Mercedes]**   
**We only got 4 minutes to save the world**

**[Kurt]**   
**No hesitating**

**[Mercedes]**   
**Grab a boy**   
**Grab a girl**

**[Kurt]**   
**Time is waiting**

**[Mercedes]**   
**We only got 4 minutes to save the world**

**[Kurt]**   
**No hesitating**

**[Kurt & Mercedes]**   
**We only got 4 minutes, 4 minutes**

**[Mercedes]**   
**Keep it up, keep it up**   
**Don't be a pre, hey**

**[Kurt & Mercedes]**   
**You gotta get 'em all hot**   
**Tick tock tick tock tick tock**

**[Mercedes]**   
**That's right, keep it up, keep it up**   
**Don't be a pre, hey**

**[Kurt & Mercedes]**   
**You gotta get 'em all hot**   
**Tick tock tick tock tick tock**

**[Kurt]**   
**Sometimes I think what I need is a you intervention, yeah**

**[Mercedes]**   
**And you know I can tell that you like it**   
**And that it's good, by the way that you move, ooooh heyyyy**

**[Kurt]**   
**The road to hell is paved with good intentions, yeaaah**

**[Mercedes]**   
**But if I die tonight**   
**At least I can say I did what I wanted to do**   
**Tell me, how 'bout you?**

**[Kurt]**   
**Time is waiting**

**[Mercedes]**   
**We only got 4 minutes to save the world**

**[Kurt]**   
**No hesitating**

**[Kurt & Mercedes]**   
**We only got 4 minutes, 4 minutes**

**[Mercedes]**   
**Keep it up, keep it up**   
**Don't be a pre, hey**

**[Kurt & Mercedes]**   
**You gotta get 'em all hot**   
**Tick tock tick tock tick tock**

**[Mercedes]**   
**That's right, keep it up, keep it up**   
**Don't be a pre, hey**

**[Kurt & Mercedes]**   
**You gotta get 'em all hot**   
**Tick tock tick tock tick tock**

  
  


Finally. It was over! The assembly erupted in applause. Kurt let it wash over him, a proud look in his eyes. His chin up, he stared at William Schuester making his way to them.

“Mercedes! You were fantastic! As for you, Kurt, have you never thought about joining Glee? You have a beautiful voice.”

“Thank you, but I’m not interested,” Kurt answered. “You Club is full of losers and I don’t have time. Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

Kurt made his way through the crowd and left the building by using a back door. He leaned against a wall and took a cigarette out of his pocket.

“Hey.”

Kurt groaned when he saw Blaine in front of him.

“What do you want? I’m not on your stupid ground.”

“I just wanted to let you know that your performance was nice. Was it for me?”

“It was not, Anderson.”

“You kept watching me!”

“Fuck you.”

“Is that all you can do? Come on, Kurt. I know you can do better, like when you throw people in dumpsters with Samuel? How about when you throw slushies on the Glee Club members? Is this really who you are now? A bully?”

“Shut up, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Wanna bet?”

Kurt could not take it anymore. He grabbed Blaine by his shirt and pushed him against the wall, his eyes threatening.

Blaine’s words were too much. He was well aware that what he was doing was wrong. He felt cornered and trapped in a role he did not really want yet did everything in his power to maintain his position.

He was so lost and Blaine was making him angry.

“What is it? Do you want to fight?” Blaine asked him.

“Why don’t you leave me alone?”

“You can’t fight, right? You’re on your own and you can’t without your squad protecting you?”

“Blaine,” Kurt whispered. “Stop.”

Blaine froze, Kurt felt it against his hands, still on his shirt. His whole body was frozen from shock. Kurt knew why.

“Kurt?”

“Stop playing games, please. You don’t get it, so stop.”

Dammit. He was losing it. He felt tears coming to his eyes and he hated being vulnerable. He felt like he was a monster and he knew that Blaine was right. He could not go back now. He had a reputation and he was set on keeping it.

“Kurt, please look at me.”

Kurt did. Their eyes met and for the first time in months, he almost let his mask fall. Blaine’s eyes were full of sorrow and love and Kurt wanted to drown in them. Blaine put a hand on his cheek and Kurt watched his face get closer to his. His heartbeat became erratic and Kurt could not move a muscle.

Blaine’s lips on his seemed to clear his mind and Kurt slapped him as he took a step back.

“Don’t touch me ever again!” He roared.

“Kurt.”

“No. You’re no better than any of them! You’re worthless! You’re always playing games. You wanna play? Fine. It’s personal now.” Kurt regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. He begged Blaine with his eyes. _Please, Blaine, I didn’t mean it. Please understand._ “Blaine.”

“Fine. If it’s personal. Guess what? I’m done with you. You don’t want me to come closer? I won’t. I tried to get the person I loved back but you’re gone. So it’s over. Have fun with Brittany. Have fun pretending to be an asshole.”

“Blaine.”

Blaine shook his head and his eyes were suddenly cold. In a second, he was pushing Kurt off and walking away. Kurt could not do anything. He watched him. He wiped a single tear that had managed to roll on his cheek and took a deep breath.

He had just broken Blaine’s heart and he knew it.

_You’re worthless._

He had done the worst thing he ever could have. He had used M. Anderson’s words against him. Kurt had used his knowledge to stab him in the back and there was no going back.

He had been stupid.

So stupid.

“Here you are, Porcelain!” Santana said.

Kurt watched them, his vision was blurry. She was with Sam and Brittany.

“Do you want to come over to my house?” Brittany asked.

“Yes,” Kurt automatically replied.

He smiled, but the smile did not reach his eyes. He did not understand anything anymore. He was not in control. He had lost everything and his body was acting on its own, going through the motions.

“Nice. Have fun, Hummel,” Sam winked.

“Planning on it.”

Kurt let Brittany take his hand and he followed her.

“Wanky, see you lovebirds tomorrow,” Santana yelled after them.

“Later,” Kurt muttered.

How could everything had gone so wrong?

Blaine’s words were going around his head on a loop while Brittany was kissing Kurt. They were lying down, her parents absent. Kurt did not care. He was letting her, pretending that he was turned on when he was not. It did not change anything. It was even nice, to be able to let go, let her control the pace when he felt so out of place. He could be in his head, think, and blame himself while still pretending to be a doting boyfriend.

He let himself float away. Brittany was gentle and he loved her, he was comfortable with her. He did not love her as much as he loved Blaine, but it was still nice for him to be with her. She was good for him. Always nice and soft. While being in the closet was hard, he was happy to have picked Brittany.

Wait a second.

He loved Blaine.

No.

He grabbed Brittany’s hair a little bit harder than he intended to as she sucked a hickey on his neck. He closed his eyes with a groan.

He had to put an end to this.

He let go of her and pushed her off softly.

“That’s enough, Brit,” He said.

She pouted her lips, her eyes sad.

“Can I ask you a question, Kurtie?”

“Of course.”

“Are you a dolphin?”

Kurt gasped. It was one thing for Santana to know. Brittany could not. He put a hand on her cheek and smiled.

“No. Why do you think this?”

“You never want to sleep with me.”

“And that makes me a dolphin?”

“I don’t know. Do you think I’m not attractive enough?”

“You are attractive, Brit.”

“Then why?” She asked. “You’re sad. You’re never sad.”

“I’m not sad, honey.”

“But...”

“I’m just not ready,” Kurt whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Kurtie. I’m just glad that I am your girlfriend and that you think I’m attractive. Can we still make out? I like kissing you?”

“We can,” Kurt smiled.

He let her straddle him again and lost himself in her.

For a second, he wondered how different his life would be if he were able to be himself and be in his own room with Blaine.

Kurt had lost track of time. When he got out of his car, it was already dark outside. He could not believe that he had spent that much time at his girlfriend’s house.

His hands were shaking.

He knew that his father would not be happy with him.

“Hey dad,” He said when he went into the house.

He tried to smile but gave up.

“Is that all you have to say? What is going on with you, Kurt?”

Kurt swallowed. Burt Hummel was definitely not happy and he was in for a fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For now, updates will happen on Wednesdays / Saturdays.   
> Should there be any change, I'll let you know.   
> Thank you to people who read, left kudos and commented, it is really motivating. 
> 
> Love to everyone,   
> Higu


	3. Bleeding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi beautiful people,   
> I just wanted to warn everyone there might is going to be some homophobic language that could be triggering in this chapter. Will add the tag.

« And I'm bleeding, and I'm bleeding, and I'm bleeding  
Right before the lord  
All the words are gonna bleed from me  
And I will think no more

And the stains comin' from my blood tell me "Go back home" »

Seven nation army – The White Stripes

* * *

Kurt watched his father’s expression and swallowed one more time. Someone had decided to send him to hell. Well, he had actually decided that for himself, he guessed.

“There’s nothing going on with me, why are you asking, dad?” He asked innocently.

“Sit down,” Burt Hummel said.

Kurt did as told. There was something in his father’s eyes that broke his heart. He was looking at him as if he were a stranger.

“Where were you?”

“At Brittany’s.”

“So you were with your girlfriend.”

“Yes. Look, dad, I know I should have told you and I came home late and I’m sorry but she asked me to come with her after the championship – which we won by the way, so I went.”

“Were you two alone? Kurt, are you two having sex with each other?”

“We are not.”

“I’m not happy about you going to her house like this, but this is not why I’m mad.”

“What? What have I done?”

Burt raised an eyebrow, not fooled for a second and Kurt could already guess what was happening.

“You are in trouble, Kurt. What happened in school today, want to tell me?”

“Nothing happened?”

“I’ll give you a clue: it’s about Finn.”

“Oh. He got slushied.”

“Yes, I’m aware. He was furious. What I want to know is how much you were involved in this.”

“I… I got the idea. I didn’t want Finn to get slushied, though. The football players thought that he should. I guess it might be my fault because I talked with Sam in the morning.”

“Why would you even do that?”

“Because… Dad, come on. You were in high school once. I want to survive, so I need people to know that I’m on top of the food chain.”

“Popularity truly changed you,” Burt muttered. “Did you slushie someone?”

“Yes.”

There was no point in lying. Burt seems to know everything anyway.

“Anything else?”

“I may have helped Sam throw people in a dumpster.”

Burt got up and started pacing in the living room.

“DAMMIT KURT!” He roared. “WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?”

“Dad...”

“You’re grounded. Grounded for a month. I want you straight home after practice every day. No more hanging out with your cheerio friends.”

“Fine.”

“Something else. What about Blaine?”

Kurt bowed his head down. He stared at a spot on the floor and tried to breathe through the paint.

“We’re not friends anymore,” Kurt muttered.

“But why?”

“I’m popular. Blaine isn’t. There’s nothing else to it.”

“I miss that kid. You used to smile around him. You were good. I miss that kid because I’m so disappointed in you, Kurt. I’ve never been disappointed in you before.”

Kurt felt like he had just been stabbed right in the heart.

“Fine. Can I go to my room now?”

“Yes.”

Tears were starting to run down his face and he let himself fall on the floor as soon as the door closed behind him.

He thought about Blaine and about Brittany.

He took deep breaths to quiet his sobs and grabbed his phone, grateful that his father had not taken it.

“ _Porcelain, what do you want?”_

“ _Can you come to my place? I need to talk to you.”_

“ _Can’t it wait tomorrow?”_

“ _No. It’s important. It’s about Brit.”_

“ _Did you hurt her?!”_

“ _Are you insane? Of course not. Just come, please. And please climb to my room.”_

“ _Really, Porcelain?”_

“ _Yes. I’m grounded.”_

“ _Fine. I’ll be there quickly.”_

“ _Say hi to Sam for me, okay?”_

“ _How did you…?”_

“ _I know everything.”_

* * *

Kurt opened his window and let Santana in. She was quick and silent. He grabbed her hand and helped her in his room.

“Spill,” She whispered.

“Brit thinks I’m gay.”

“Did you come out to her?”

“Of course not. She thinks that because I don’t sleep with her and...”

“What did you tell her?”

“That I’m not ready but I don’t know what to do, Tana.” Kurt took his head between his hands and sighed. “She told me I look sad and she doesn’t want me to be sad.”

“Of course, she doesn’t. How do you feel?”

“Like crap.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to sleep with her. I don’t want her to get hurt by all of this and it’s just bad.”

“Kurt, she loves you. She won’t care if you don’t sleep with her.”

“She loves you,” Kurt muttered.

“Well, yes and no. You give her what I can’t. Do you think I want to be a bitch? No. I’m just like you. I want to survive high school. I can’t come out right now. You can’t either. You love Brit. She loves you.”

“Not the way I’m supposed to, but yeah I do love her.”

“So does she,” Santana said. Kurt wondered if she was trying to convince him. “You give her what I can’t give her yet. You give her a relationship.”

“Based on lies.”

“A relationship nonetheless. You prove you care. You take her to dinner. You cuddle with her. You do what most guys would never do for her. Let’s take Sam, we sleep together. We don’t really talk. We plot schemes and we ruin people’s lives. We never have meaningful conversations. Ever. It’s sex. It doesn’t mean anything. Brittany likes that you care. You’ll be fine.”

“You’ll be with her one day. You’ll give her something real.”

“Take care of her until it happens, okay? That’s all I ask.”

“I will.”

“So what’s with the grounding?”

“Finn. He was pissed and he told everything to my dad. I had to talk about the slushies and the dumpsters. I’m grounded and he’s disappointed or something.”

“That damn Glee Club really melted his brain.”

Kurt laughed.

“Alright, I have to go home.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Tana.

“Anytime. What about Anderson?”

“It’s over for good. I screwed up.”

“Okay. You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah,” Kurt lied.

“See you tomorrow, Porcelain. Sleep tight.”

“You too.”

Santana slipped out of his window, unseen. Kurt made sure that she was okay before shutting his window close. Now he had talked to her, he could think.

Kurt took a deep breath and grabbed his phone. He typed a few words. **I’m sorry about what I said today.** He erased them because Kurt Hummel did not apologize. Ever.

He lied down and closed his eyes.

You’re worthless.

He felt like a monster. He could not believe that he had gone this far.

Blaine’s face was clear as day in his mind.

He never should have spoken to him like that. Not after everything they had shared: the lunches, laughter, work out sessions to make sure he would get on the team, the Disney marathons, the secrets.

His first kiss. The first boy he loved.

He could remember it. He could see the memory, like a movie in his head. It had been in summer. Blaine and Kurt were getting ready for school. They both knew that things would change for the better. They were enjoying the time they had together. They were sitting next to each other in Blaine’s garden.

“We won’t be invisible anymore,” Kurt had said. “Are you planning on signing for any clubs?”

“I don’t think so. I don’t know. I’m thinking Glee, maybe?”

“Blaine. That will only get you slushies every day. You know how the Glee kids are treated.”

“I don’t really care,” Blaine had laughed, knocking his shoulder against Kurt’s playfully. “I like singing.”

“Yeah, I know that.”

“What about you? Ready for the cheerios.”

“I don’t know if I’ll make it.”

“Of course, you will. I’ll be cheering you on.”

Blaine had winked at him and Kurt had gasped.

“That was a terrible joke.”

“It was not.”

Blaine had stuck his tongue out, making Kurt laugh. Then, his face had become serious and Kurt frowned.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” Blaine had said.

The atmosphere had suddenly changed. Kurt had felt like he was choking. He had put his head on his knees and had not dared look at his friend. His heart had been pounding in his chest from fear.

“I’m listening,” Kurt had whispered.

“I need you to look at me.”

“Why?”

“Jesus. Kurt, please.”

Kurt had looked up, his eyes finding Blaine’s.

“I’m gay,” Blaine had whispered.

“I know,” Kurt had laughed, relieved. “I’ve known for a while.”

“How?”

“I just noticed some things… I’m gay too.”

“You are?”

“Yes.”

“It’s not all.”

“Okay?”

“I...” Blaine had put his hand on his cheek and had gotten closer to him slowly. “I’m in love with you.”

It had been the moment everything had changed. Blaine had put his lips on his and Kurt had melted against him. After all this time, Blaine loved him. Finally. Kurt had waited for so long that he had not been able to process the fact that their lips were moving against each other, so soft, so gently. He had been so happy.

And then they had heard a noise and had broken the kiss, their cheeks red.

Mister Anderson had shown up.

Kurt angrily wiped his tears away at the memory. He could not believe that he had given up so easily on Blaine. They had never talked about the kiss again. Then school had started and…

Everything had changed. Blaine had tried the Glee Club but had given up once Kurt had broken his heart by picking the Cheerios. One day, he had been sweet Blaine, the boy who loved bow ties and Disney movies, the next, he had become this rebel, leader of the Skanks. Kurt had found him more beautiful than ever but he had wondered how it had happened. How Blaine had managed to get the three girls who were respected by the school to make him their leader. He could guess that the boxer in him had made the trick.

That had been it.

Now, it was over.

  
  


* * *

Kurt was walking down the hallway at McKinley, Sam, Santana and Brittany by his side. He did not understand right away what was happening to him. One second, he was chatting with his friends, the next, a powerful hand was on him and his body was slammed against a locker. His eyes found David Karofsky and he frowned.

“What is your problem?!” Kurt yelled.

“I don’t like fags.”

“Dude, I thought you’d understood that Kurt is not gay!” Sam sighed.

“I can feel it and I don’t like it,” Karofsky growled.

“Uh, David, don’t take this the wrong way but don’t you think you might be the gay here?” Kurt asked, one eyebrow raised while Brittany was holding his hand, and kissing his shoulder on top of his uniform to make the pain go away. “Thank you, babe,” He said softly, kissing her forehead.

David Karofsky slammed him against the locker again.

“ARE YOU CALLING ME A FAG?”

“Dude, BACK OFF!” Sam grabbed David by the shoulders and yanked him from Kurt, his eyes dark. “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

“I’m sick of Hummel!” David answered.

“Yeah well, I have a girlfriend,” Kurt said calmly. He ignored his aching back and his pounding heart. “Remind me, when was the last time you had one? Or even the last time you hooked up with someone?”

“Don’t push me, Hummel!”

“Push you? You did this to yourself. I’m a cheerio, ever thought about the fact that it helps to get closer to the girls?”

“That’s a good point,” Sam laughed. “Dude, he’s right! I’ve known you since kindergarten and you’ve never had a girlfriend. Kurt is with Britt, for your information, she’s like one of the hottest girls in this school!”

“Kurt is great in bed too,” Brittany said. “Better than you, Sam.”

“What?”

“He is. I’m sorry if that makes you sad.”

“Porcelain,” Santana gasped. “If you’re better than Sam, I want a shot at you.”

“Thanks, Tana, I’m flattered but I’m happy with Britt’,” Kurt smiled.

Kurt was not sure where Brittany’s statement was coming from but he was grateful for her lie.

David Karofsky clenched his fists and quickly walked away.

“Dude, you forgot to apologize!” Sam yelled.

“SORRY!”

He was out of sight and Kurt groaned in pain. He was still smiling anyway. He had done it. David Karofsky had apologized and now Kurt could destroy him once and for all. Nobody pushed Kurt Hummel.

Not even when David was right about him being gay.

“What is wrong with him?” Sam asked.

“He’s gay, see any other reason?” Santana said.

“You really think so?”

“Yeah,” Kurt sighed. “He got angry when I told him he might be. Why would he get so mad? He’s on the football team, he could get with anyone in this school but he does not?”

“True. Wait, I just remembered!” Santana said. “We were hanging out at a party at the beginning of the year, don’t ask, there had been drinking and I wanted to hook up with him. Oh yeah, I know why I wanted to, he was on the football team, so I wanted to see if it was worth it.”

“And?” Sam asked.

“Couldn’t get it up,” Santana muttered.

They all laughed.

“Don’t worry, Kurt. We’ll deal with him. I’ll get the team on this, he’s gonna pay,” Sam said.

“Well, I’m gonna go to the nurse’s office. My shoulder is killing me.”

“I could give you a massage,” Brittany said. “Your skin is soft.”

Kurt shared a look with Santana and she nodded.

“Thanks, babe.”

“Anytime, Kurtie.”

“We’ll meet up lunch. Good job, dude! Really, better than me,” Kurt heard Sam tell Santana. “Can you believe it, Lopez?”

“If Britt is saying it, totally!”

  
  


* * *

Kurt was holding off his laughter as he watched the football team surrounding Karofsky. Santana, Brittany, and Mercedes were by his side.

“So what’s the deal with Karofsky?” Mercedes asked.

“He rambled about Kurt being gay and pushed him against lockers,” Santana explained.

“Kurtie is not a dolphin!”

“The team decided to teach him a lesson,” Santana smirked.

“Are you okay, boo?” Mercedes asked.

“Yeah,” Kurt sighed. “I’m fine. Just angry that he wanted to project his own homosexuality on me.”

“Yo, Kurt!” Sam yelled out. “Want to finish?”

“Give me two seconds!”

“Here,” Quinn laughed. “Take this.”

The blond walked up to him and gave him a red cup full of blue slush. He smirked and thanked her.

Quinn kissed him on the cheek and nodded.

“You are Finn’s half-brother, he can’t go around saying this.”

Kurt made his way through the football team, his head held up high.

“Next time, Karofsky, you may want to think about your words and actions,” Kurt said through gritted teeth.

He threw the content of the cup right on his face and turned around.

Kurt Hummel was a monster, he was aware of it, but he had to cover his tracks.

He walked away with his squad, his heart breaking as he heard the team make fun of Karofsky.

Mike and Finn were nowhere to be seen, they had gone against the plan.

Kurt had just destroyed one of the biggest bullies of McKinley and he felt good about it. Powerful. Like he belonged.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Kurt spotted a shadow and recognized it immediately. Blaine Anderson. He had seen it.

Kurt kept going, his heart pounding in his chest.

He could not stop thinking about Blaine.

He thought about how easy it would be to simply go to him, kiss him and be with him forever.

Should he do that, though, he knew he would be the one in the middle of a circle full of football players.

He could not do this now. He could not afford to lose everything.

Blaine Anderson had said he would wait, didn’t he?

Kurt was not even sure about it anymore. Not after what he had done.

* * *

  
  


Kurt was not even trying to listen to William Schuester as his teacher talked about something Kurt did not understand. Well, he was not interested, so he did not want to understand. He liked to talk to Santana in the back of the class, it was better than the class.

“Were you serious about this story with Karofsky?” He whispered.

“Of course not, I told you I had your back. I never forget a deal. You take care of Brit for me, you let me be with her without being jealous and making drama, I deal with guys like Karofsky trying to destroy you.”

“You know what? I think we make a good team.”

“I agree, Porcelain.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“Mister Hummel?” Schuester called.

Kurt’s head snapped upward and he frowned when he saw his coach at the door. He had expected Schuester to ask him to pay attention, not for Sue Sylvester to watch him with concern in her eyes.

“Porcelain, come with me. Take your bag.” She said.

Kurt did not ask any questions. He grabbed his book and notebook and shoved them in his bag. He walked up to her. The hallway was empty, it was only the two of them, walking slowly.

“What’s happening, Coach?” Kurt asked.

Sue stopped walked and put a hand on his shoulder. They were face to face and Kurt was getting scared.

“There is no good way of saying this, Kurt, so… You have to go to the hospital. Your mother in law is waiting for you there. Your dad, well, he had a heart attack. I’m sorry, Kurt.”

_Bam._

His bag had fallen to the ground while his heart dropped.

“Is he…?”

“No. He is still alive, but he’s not awake.”

A single tear rolled on his cheek, his legs were shaking.

_I’m so disappointed in you, Kurt. I’ve never been disappointed in you before._

The words kept coming to his mind like a mantra.

Should his father pass away, those would be the last words they had shared.

Disappointment.

Should he pass away, Burt Hummel would be disappointed in him. Which meant that Kurt had disappointed the only person he truly cared about.

The two only people he cared about.

Burt.

Blaine.

He did not know why or how, but he was suddenly in Sue Sylvester’s arms. For the first time, she was not being sarcastic or angry or hurtful. She was giving him a moment of peace. Some comfort.

“I’m sorry, Kurt,” She whispered in his ear, her hand running in circles on his back. “I’m so sorry.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sending everybody some love. And hugs.   
> I love all of you. 
> 
> Keep holding on.


	4. White flag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, 
> 
> I hope everyone will enjoy this.   
> Given the time, know that this chapter talks about hospitals and sickness so if you are not feeling okay, please don't read ♥

« I know I left too much mess and  
destruction to come back again  
And I caused nothing but trouble  
I understand if you can't talk to me again  
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"  
then I'm sure that that makes sense

But I will go down with this ship  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be »

Dido – White Flag

* * *

Kurt had just left Sue’s office, he was walking slowly, feeling dizzy. He knew that he had to be quick, he had to get to his father. Sue had explained that Finn was not able to leave practice because of a football game and since he was not officially Burt’s son, they had not told him yet. Kurt thought it was stupid, but then again, it was McKinley High, so nothing was surprising to him anymore. Sue had offered to drive him but he had refused. He thought that it would be easier for him to be on his own. He did not want to keep his mask on.

Thousands of thoughts were running around his head. Some were important. _What will happen to me if my father dies?_ Others were completely ridiculous. _Do squirrels realize that children love them because of Disney?_

He did not know what to think anymore if he kept this up, not only would he not get to the hospital on time but students might see him wandering around the hallways like a lunatic. He only had about half an hour before classes ended, so he had to act quickly.

He heard footsteps behind him and jumped. His foot slipped and in a second, Kurt was on the ground, his head hitting the side of a locker then the floor.

“Oh my god, Porcelain are you okay?”

Kurt was seeing stars dancing in front of his eyes, his vision was blurry and he groaned in pain.

“Tana?” He mumbled.

“I asked Schuester to get out of class because I was worried. Can you get up?”

Kurt took his hand and nodded slowly. He was swaying on his feet, Santana’s arm around his waist.

“I have to go,” Kurt whispered.

“What happened?”

“My dad, he’s… He had a heart attack. I have to go…”

“Okay,” Santana said slowly. She took a second to think and snapped her fingers. “Okay, I’ll take you to your car, you’ll wait for me there, I have an idea.”

Kurt did not have it in him to argue so he followed her on shaky legs. They reached his car and she grabbed his keys to open his car. She helped him up on his seat and put on his seat belt for him.

“Tana?”

“Just wait here, Porcelain. It’s all gonna be okay. Trust me.”

She kissed his cheek softly and closed the passenger door. Kurt leaned his head against the seat and closed his eyes. His head was hurting so badly that he felt like he would pass out soon.

* * *

Santana was running around the school. She knew what Kurt needed: Blaine. She reached the bleachers and turned around a corner. Blaine was leaning against a wall, a cigarette between his lips, Lauren Zizes, and two girls she had never taken the time to know surrounding him.

“Lopez, this is our spot, go away,” Lauren growled.

“I’d love to teach you how things are done Lima Heights style, Zizes, believe me, but I don’t have time. Anderson, can we talk?”

“What about?”

Blaine seemed bored with her already and it took everything in Santana not to get angry.

“It’s important, move!”

“Fine,” Blaine sighed.

He took a step from his girls and gave his cigarette to Lauren with a wink. He followed Santana as she walked quickly.

“Porcelain needs you, like now. I have to go back to class. His dad had a heart attack, you have to drive him to the hospital.”

“Wait a second. Who’s Porcelain and why should I care?”

Santana turned around, facing him. A hand on her hip, she pointed a finger at him.

“Hummel. Kurt. Because you love him.”

“Uh.”

“Whatever, look.” Santana was annoyed with him. Could he not understand that they were running out of time? “Ask Kurt for my number and call me. Tonight or whenever. You can ask me anything then. You have to run to him, _now._ He’s on the parking lot, he hit his head and he might do something insane like try to drive himself. Bye, Anderson.”

She ran back to the school, hoping that he would help. She took one look back and saw him disappear. He was running.

Good, she thought.

* * *

Blaine had not even taken the time to let his friends know that he was leaving. It did not matter, he knew they would understand.

Kurt needed him. Burt was in the hospital. Kurt was hurt and Blaine could not be running faster if he tried.

He finally reached the car and got behind the wheel. The keys were there and he spared one look at Kurt who seemed to be frozen in his seat.

“B-Blaine?”

“Santana asked me to drive you.” Kurt nodded. “How is he?”

“Alive. That’s all I know.”

“I’m so sorry, Kurt.”

Kurt turned his head to the side. He looked out the window. He felt the bump on his head throb but he did not care.

He was looking for a way of apologizing to Blaine. For a way to ask the questions, he had on his mind.

“Blaine?” He whispered.

Blaine started the engine and drove away from the parking lot, away from McKinley.

“I forgive you,” Blaine said softly.

Kurt wondered how Blaine did it. How he could guess exactly what was going on through his mind.

“How?”

“I know you. I know you feel bad. I also know that you’re too proud to apologize. I’m still hurt but… You didn’t mean it.”

“How would you know that?”

“Your eyes. Your lips lie but your eyes don’t.”

“Why are you are?” Kurt asked.

“Because I know how important your father is to you. I… I also care about him. I always thought of him as my own dad. He was always there when I needed him… I know you must be terrified of losing him.”

“Thank you,” Kurt whispered. “Do you know what his last words to me were?”

Blaine shook his head, his eyes still on the road.

“He told me that he missed you and that he was disappointed in me… If he dies, these will be his last words ever to me.”

Blaine looked at him from the corner of his eyes and saw Kurt’s mask crumble completely. He was suddenly sobbing, unable to hold back the tears.

Blaine could not take it.

He parked on the side of the road.

He cut the engine and undid his seat belt. He turned around and reached out for Kurt. For once, he did not fight him. He let himself be hugged and seemed to melt in his arms.

“He’s not going to die,” Blaine said, a hand at the back of Kurt’s neck. “He knows that you’re waiting for him and that he needs to kick your butt for being an ass.” Blaine felt Kurt’s body shake from laughter. “I promise, Kurt. Your father is strong, the strongest person I know. He’s not done.”

“I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do… The house will be… It will be so empty.”

“Well, I can make an offer.”

“What offer?”

“Spend the night with me. My parents are in Los Angeles with Cooper. We could watch a Disney movie, eat ice-cream, sing or something.”

“Like we used to?”

“Like we used to,” Blaine smiled.

He held Kurt tighter.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I would not be able to explain it. People will ask questions...”

“I’m going to take you to the hospital. Stay with your dad and then tell Carole you’re staying with Santana.”

“But...”

“She’ll cover for you.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I have my ways.”

“Why, Blaine? Why can’t you hate me?”

“I could never. Not even if you were to throw me in the dumpsters.”

Blaine let go of him and went back to driving.

* * *

Blaine parked the car as far from the entrance as he could, just in case they ran into someone they knew.

“Give me your phone,” Blaine said.

“Why?”

“I need to call Santana and I don’t have her number.”

“Oh. Yeah.” Kurt reached into his bag and gave Blaine the phone. “Here. Call her from mine, it’s fine.”

“Okay. Kurt?”

“Yeah?”

“Hang in there. It’s gonna be fine.”

Kurt nodded and got out of the car. Blaine stayed put, staring at him before he called Santana just as Kurt disappeared from his sight.

She would not be in class, Blaine guessed. She had about ten minutes before practice. That was all Blaine needed.

“Porcelain? Is everything okay? Do I need to kick the hobbit’s ass?”

“Lopez, I’m not a hobbit,” Blaine groaned.

“Anderson? This is Kurt’s phone. Where is he?”

“With his dad. Look, you don’t owe me anything but I want to understand.”

“Kurt and I have a deal. He lets me have sex with Brittany and I pretend I don’t know about the two of you.”

“Wait...”

“Yeah. I’m just as gay as you.”

“So Kurt lets you sleep with his girlfriend.”

“We are not ready to come out, Anderson. It’s tough but we deal. You can try to tell people, nobody will believe you.”

“Why would I?”

“I have no idea.”

“I won’t. We’re not friends, you and I but I don’t believe in outing people and you’re helping Kurt so…”

“Do you love him?”

“Yes.”

“You’re not even denying it?”

“Why would I? It’s not like I’m ashamed.”

“Pretty brave of you.”

“I try… Look, I need you to cover for us tonight.”

“What?”

“Kurt can’t stay with Carole tonight. I know how to help him. Tell everyone he’s staying with you.”

“Fine. Tell him to text me what I’m supposed to say.”

“Thanks, Lopez.”

“I’m doing it for him, not you.”

“Why, though? I thought you didn’t care about people.”

“True. I respect Kurt. He wants to get out of this hell hole and if I can help him, I will.”

“Good.”

“Make sure he knows you… Fight for him, Anderson. He’s worth it. Whatever happens, I have your back.”

“I know, Lopez. Oh, and? Try not to fight with Lauren too much, okay? She’s strong.”

“Whatever,” Santana groaned.

Blaine hung up the phone with a small smile.

* * *

Kurt came back to the car hours later, his eyes full of tears. Blaine opened his arms as soon as the door closed and caught him as he fell apart.

“He fell into a coma,” Kurt sobbed. “I talked to Carole. She agreed to let me sleep at Santana’s… She said I could skip class tomorrow… Blaine, he was not moving, it was like he was already dead.”

“Shh, shh, I’m here. I’m right here. I got you. He’s not dead. His body just needs rest.”

“Do you think…?”

“He will wake up. Your dad won’t give up fighting.”

“I’m sure that he would kick his own ass if he could,” Kurt choked.

They let go of each other and looked into each other’s eyes.

It felt good, Kurt thought, to be able to laugh even in the toughest of times. He was letting go.

“You have to call Santana,” Blaine said. “She wants you to tell her what she’s supposed to say tomorrow.” Kurt nodded. “Should I start driving?”

“Yes. Blaine?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

* * *

Kurt and Blaine were sitting on Blaine’s bed. They had finished watching a movie, they had gotten some food, and now they were just talking.

Kurt was fascinated by their exchange. It was as if they had never stopped being friends.

Kurt had always felt safe in Blaine’s room and it felt good to know that it had not changed. They were in their own happy little bubble.

“Do you know what I miss the most?” Blaine asked.

“No?”

“Our duets.”

“I miss them too,” Kurt whispered. “You still have your guitar, right?”

“Of course.”

“Good. I have the perfect song in mind.”

Kurt sat on his heels while Blaine grabbed his guitar from his dresser. Kurt frowned, wondering why he had been hiding his instrument. He closed his eyes and started signing as soon as Blaine was back.

[Kurt]

Never made it as a wise man

I couldn't cut it as

A poor man stealing

Tired of living like a blind man

I'm sick of sight without  
A sense of feeling  
And this is how you remind me

Blaine recognized the song immediately and started playing.

[Kurt & Blaine]

This is how you remind me  
Of what I really am  
This is how you remind me  
Of what I really am

Blaine nodded at him, understanding without needing words that he was to pick up the next part.

[Blaine]

It's not like you to say sorry  
I was waiting on a different story  
This time I'm mistaken  
For handing you  
A heart worth breaking

[Kurt]

And I've been wrong  
I've been down  
Into the bottom of every bottle

[Kurt & Blaine]

These five words in my head  
Scream  
Are we having fun yet?

Yet, yet, yet, no no  
Yet, yet, yet, no no

[Blaine]

It's not like you didn't know that  
I said I love you and  
I swear I still do

Kurt was shivering. He felt like he was seeing Blaine for the first time. His voice, the lyrics that were making so much sense.

He was so overwhelmed that he almost missed his cue.

[Kurt]

And it must have been so bad  
'Cause living with him must have  
Damn near killed you

[Kurt & Blaine]

This is how you remind me  
Of what I really am  
This is how you remind me  
Of what I really am

[Blaine]

It's not like you to say sorry  
I was waiting on a different story  
This time I'm mistaken  
For handing you  
A heart worth breaking

[Kurt]

And I've been wrong  
I've been down  
Into the bottom of every bottle

[Kurt & Blaine]

These five words in my head  
Scream  
Are we having fun yet?

Yet, yet, yet, no no  
Yet, yet, yet, no no

Somewhere near the end, they had gotten closer.

They held the last note. The tension was so thick that Kurt felt it: heavy, full of desire, of hurt, of regret and hope.

They were alone on Earth, in this room they had spent so many afternoons in.

They were Kurt and Blaine. Not a cheerio, not a Skank. They were just two teenagers in love.

Blaine was taking his breath away and Kurt stopped thinking. His lips found Blaine’s with despair. He could admit it. It was a desperate move. It was also stupid. They were no more masks, no more protections.

He was taking the biggest risk of his life.

Blaine could still push him away.

He did not. On the contrary.

Blaine pushed his guitar to the side and did not even mind that it had fallen to the ground.

In a second, he was helping Kurt lie down on the bed, then he was on top of him and Kurt forgot everything.

He was finally doing what he wanted. He did not think about the consequences.

Their tongues met, Blaine’s hands were running on his skin, below his shirt. Kurt felt silly for worrying so much about the consequences when this was what he had been missing.

They broke the kiss, out of breath.

“Wow,” Blaine said.

“I have to agree.”

“Aren’t you disappointed?” Kurt frowned at Blaine’s tone. “You have to be used to better with Brittany?”

“Blaine, are we really doing this?” Kurt sighed.

“Don’t you think it’s important for us to talk about this?”

“It is,” Kurt said. “Believe it or not, it’s not that bad to date Brittany. She’s sweet and gentle. There’s also no passion. I’m not attracted to her. I don’t feel anything emotionally when we kiss.”

“Oh.”

“I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve never experienced something so passionate.”

“Me neither.”

“Aren’t you fooling around with that girl?”

“Maya?”

“Maybe. I think.”

“We are not, we’re just joking around. How do you know about that? Kurt, are you watching me?”

“Of course, I am. I’m always watching, even if I pretend I don’t.”

“She’s gay.”

“Wait, what?”

“She is. That’s why she’s so protective of me. She’s the reason why I’m the Skank’s leader.”

“How did that happen anyway?”

“Well, Hayley, Maya, and Lauren were friends. They were feared, right? Sam knew how much I was hurting and he knows Hayley so… He introduced us and Maya just… She just liked me. I box, so… They just let it happen.”

“Sam? Sam knows?”

“Uh, yeah. He does work for my parents. I’m pretty sure he actually fools around with my mom”

“Oh god.”

Blaine shrugged as if he had made his peace with it.

“Do you love her?” Blaine asked softly.

“Who? Brittany?”

“Yes.”

“I love her, I’m not in love with her.”

“How come?” Kurt had a sad look in his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“No. It’s okay. I love you, that’s why.”

“You do?”

“I do,” Kurt grabbed Blaine’s cheeks in his hands. “No masks today. I love you. Always have. Probably always will.”

“But?”

“Tomorrow, when I leave this house, I’ll be Kurt Hummel, the popular Cheerio dating Brittany Pierce. I won’t be gay. I won’t be in love with you. At least, I’ll pretend I’m not.”

“So I get until midnight? Like Cinderella?”

“Your obsession with Disney is concerning… But yes.”

“You know I’ll wait for you, right?”

“I hope you won’t,” Kurt sighed.

“Why?”

“I don’t deserve you. You deserve someone who is not afraid.”

“We’re fifteen, Kurt. We can make it later.”

“How?”

“You have Sam, Santana, Brittany, Mercedes, and Finn. I have the Skanks. We’re not alone anymore.”

“You saw what happened with Karofsky?”

“It was about protecting you and we both know it?”

“You’re right.”

“Can I kiss you again?”

“Yes.”

“Cool.”

Kurt closed his eyes and let himself enjoy the moment. He ignored his head, still hurting. Kissing Blaine was more important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sending love to everyone ♥


	5. Someday

« How the hell did we wind up like this  
Why weren't we able  
To see the signs that we missed  
And try to turn the tables  
Now the story's played out like this  
Just like a paperback novel  
Lets rewrite an ending that fits  
Instead of a Hollywood horror »

Someday – Nickelback

* * *

Kurt felt like he was in Paradise. He was snapped out of his dreams by a ringtone he decided he hated.

He groaned but did not open his eyes. He felt warm and safe. He did not want to face reality just yet.

As he slowly woke up, he noticed the warm body against his. There was a chest glued to his back and a protective arm around him. Someone was breathing against his neck, the air hitting his skin, and curls were tickling him.

Blaine.

He was at Blaine’s. In Blaine’s bed.

The truth hit him like a train.

He had… He had spent the night making out with Blaine.

Kurt started panicking. He tried to move but Blaine only held him tighter.

“Morning,” Blaine whispered against his skin, voice hoarse, still half-asleep.

It made Kurt shiver.

“H-hey.”

“You’re freaking out.”

“N-no.”

“I know you,” Blaine sighed. “Remember?” Blaine let go of him. “Look, we just woke up. We have time to talk about this. It’s six am, and...”

“Why are we up at six?”

“I set up the alarm because I knew this would happen.”

“Blaine...”

“Have breakfast with me? Just coffee. We get coffee and then we talk, please.”

“Okay.”

Blaine bent over and Kurt realized that he had almost kissed him on the lips before changing his mind. He closed his eyes when he felt them on his forehead.

Then Blaine was gone, leaving Kurt alone with his thoughts.

Kurt did not regret what had happened. It had been perfect. He had been happy to kiss Blaine. Blaine who was his best friend. Someone he truly loved.

Kurt was only scared because he had to go back to ignoring him and he did not want to.

A few minutes went by and Blaine was back, two mugs in his hands.

He sat down on the bed and handed a mug to Kurt who took it.

“I already feel better,” Blaine smiled once he had emptied his mug.

“Bee… I… I’m sorry.”

Blaine coughed and stared at him as if it were the first time he was seeing him.

“Did you just apologize?”

“Come on,” Kurt groaned, hitting him on the arm. “I should not have freaked out.”

“You’re scared for me,” Blaine said.

“Anderson, stop knowing me so well.”

“Back to the last name basis? That’s bad. I… Can I ask you a question? Do you regret it?”

“No! How could I? It… It was one of the best moments of my life. I’ve never felt like this before. I was safe. The world did not feel as shitty.”

“Then don’t worry about me, Kurt. I’m glad it happened. I… I never felt like this before either.”

“I offered you the worse wake up ever by… Well, by freaking out.”

Blaine sighed and put a hand on Kurt’s cheek.

“We’ll make it through,” Blaine whispered. “I don’t know how. I don’t know when but we will. Together.” He pressed a kiss to his lips and put his forehead against his. “I love you. I love you, Kurt Hummel. When you go out of this house, you’ll go see your dad. When you come back to class, you’ll act as if nothing changed. You’ll be popular. I’ll be the rebel everybody fears. I’ll be fine. The only thing I ask is that you don’t ignore me outside of school. Text me every now and then. Once we get enough power, we’ll take over. Deal?”

“I love you too, Blaine,” Kurt whispered. “How am I supposed to ignore you when I don’t want to leave?”

“You can do it. You will do it. Remember I love you. When you forget yourself, when you’re lost, remember that it’s you and me.”

“You should forget me.”

“I won’t. I don’t want to. It wouldn’t be love if I did. I’m not giving up. We have to wait for the right time. Be feared, Kurt. Make sure everybody fears you. Make sure they respect you. Once it’s done, once you’re ready, we’ll come out, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Promise me, Kurt.”

“I won’t give up. I promise.”

“Now, there’s something I want to talk about.”

“You want to know why I was so awful to you.”

“Yes.”

“Quinn and Santana told me that I would get kicked out of the squad if I hung out with you. I got scared. I like the uniform. I didn’t think I’d be able to pretend at school and be your friend.”

“Alright. That does not make it okay but I understand.”

“Where did the piercing come from?” Kurt asked.

“Maya.”

“How did your father react?”

“He hates them. It’s whatever. It doesn’t matter. One more thing, if it gets too much, call Santana and come see me. She’ll cover for us.”

“I don’t know. I’m not sure she will.”

“She will. She told me. We got this, Kurt.”

“Alright.”

“Come on, let’s cuddle some more.”

They put the mugs don and lied down next to each other. Kurt smiled as he felt Blaine’s head on his chest. He held him tight just because he could.

He had messed up but he was ready to fight.

* * *

Blaine got to the school late but he did not care. He was in a good mood. He wanted to sing.

He walked over to the Skanks.

“Hello to you, little Blainers,” Maya said. “What happened to you?”

“I’m gonna tell you but not a word to anyone.”

“Did you and Hummel bang?” Maya asked.

“What? No,” Blaine groaned.

The three of them arched their eyebrows at him and he shook his head.

“We made out,” Blaine mumbled. “All night.”

“Nice!” Lauren said.

“So, what’s the plan?” Maya asked.

“There is no plan, does it change anything?” Hayley said, looking bored.

“There has to be a plan, right Anderson?” Lauren said.

“There is. We are joining the Glee Club.”

“What?”

“You heard me, ladies. We need people. We need to be feared.”

“And you want to achieve that by singing?” Hayley asked.

“I want to be on the loser’s side. It’s time for things to move around here – so we show up there, we join them, and then...”

“The football team will take care of us,” Maya said.

“And we’ll be waiting for them!” Lauren said. She knocked her fist against Blaine’s with a laugh. “Amazing idea. Let's take power.”

“Yes. Lets.”

* * *

  
  


The Skanks by his side, Blaine to Mister Schuester’s office.

“Wait for me here,” Blaine said.

The girls nodded and he went into the office, closing the door behind himself.

“You’re Blaine Anderson,” Mister Schuester said.

“You remember me.”

“How could I forget? Your voice is amazing. You had a change of look.”

“I did.”

“What can I do for you, Blaine?”

“I want to join Glee. With the Skanks.”

“The Skanks, uh. Why would you want to join?”

“I left because I was lost. I’m not going to lie, your club sucks, Mister Schuester. Some of your members are protected: Mercedes Jones, Finn Hudson. The others get bullied because you suck. I want to change things.”

“How would you do that?”

“Let us join. In two weeks, you’ll have members fighting to join.”

“You’ll have to audition again.”

“Not a problem.”

“Good. Can they sing?”

“Hayley can. The others can’t. They’re with me though. It does not matter, you accept everyone anyway.”

“Very well.” Mister Schuester took a stack of paper from his desk. “Oh, and Blaine?”

“Yes?”

“Why are you skipping class?”

“It’s personal.”

“I could help you, you know?”

“I don’t need help, Mister Schuester.”

“So you’re doing this because you want to change things around?”

“Exactly. I’m tired of letting things happen without a fight.”

“Alright. 3 PM.”

“We’ll be there.”

Blaine shut the door on his exist and nodded to the girls.

* * *

  
  


_“_ SPIES!” Rachel yelled when she saw the Skanks enter the room. Blaine rolled his eyes as she got up.

“Shut it,” Lauren growled.

“Mister Schuester!”

“Rachel, calm down,” Finn sighed.

“Sit down,” Blaine said. “I don’t have time for you.”

“Mister Schue, we need them,” Mercedes laughed.

“If it means we don’t hear her anymore, I’m in,” Artie said.

“Guys. Blaine, Lauren, Maya, and Hayley are auditioning. The stage is yours.”

“Thanks.”

Blaine grabbed a guitar from one of the band members with a wink and went to the center of the room, the girls behind him. He started playing.

  
  


[Blaine]

  
  


Let me hold you  
For the last time  
It's the last chance to feel again  
But you broke me  
Now I can't feel anything

When I love you,  
It's so untrue  
I can't even convince myself  
When I'm speaking,  
It's the voice of someone else

Oh it tears me up  
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much  
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings  
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel  
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh the truth hurts  
And lies worse  
How can I give anymore  
When I love you a little less than before

Hayley watched Blaine and nodded. She walked up to him to sing the next part.

[Hayley]

Oh what are we doing  
We are turning into dust  
Playing house in the ruins of us

The two other girls were in the back, clapping softly while swinging on their feet. Hayley who was usually so discreet suddenly had all of their eyes on her. She knew how to sing and her voice matched Blaine’s perfectly.

[Both]

Running back through the fire  
When there's nothing left to save  
It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late (too late)

Oh it tears me up  
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much  
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings  
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel  
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Well the truth hurts,  
And lies worse  
How can I give anymore  
When I love you a little less than before

But we're running through the fire  
When there's nothing left to save  
It's like chasing the very last train  
When we both know it's too late (too late)

You can't play on broken strings  
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel  
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Well the truth hurts,  
And lies worse  
How can I give anymore  
When I love you a little less than before

Oh you know that I love you a little less.. Than before

[Blaine]

Let me hold you

for the last time  
It's the last chance to feel again

The whole room was clapping, except for Rachel who was sulking.

“Mister Schuester, I don’t think...”

“We don’t care,” Blaine snapped. “You’re accepting everyone, we just proved we can sing so shut up.”

“But...”

“We told you to shut it,” Lauren said. “You’re already pissing me off.”

“Look, you can’t...”

“Shut it too, Hudson,” Maya sighed. “We’re not asking. We sang. Now, sit and pretend we’re not here. Got it?”

“Yeah.”

“Finn, you have to do something!”

“Rachel...”

“Will you stop already?” Blaine said. “What’s your deal?”

“My deal is that you are about to give us a bad reputation.”

“Are you able to think for a second?!”

“What?”

Blaine bent down in front of her to be at her level and look at her in the eyes.

“We are your last chance. See, your boyfriend, Hudson, he’s on the football team but he can’t protect you. Mercedes? She likes to sing, it shows. She’s protected and you’re not. We? Well, we can frighten the football team. We can fight so unless you want to miss Sectionals – because you’re not enough people and you love slushies thrown to your face, you will shut it and let us join. If you don’t, I’ll make sure they throw even more slushies to you and I’ll make sure you get thrown into the dumpsters. Alright?”

“You’re not Sam Evans.”

“Wanna bet?”

The look in his eyes was enough for Rachel to stop. She nodded, softly and he got back to his feet. He found a sit in the back, next to his girls.

“Anderson?” A girl whispered. He thought her name was Tina. He had talked to her at the beginning of the year.

“Yes?”

“Thank you. It’s the first time she shuts up. It’s good. You also have a great voice.”

“Thank you, Tina.”

“You do remember me.”

“I do.”

“I was sad you left so quickly but I’m glad you’re back.”

“Yeah.”

* * *

The moment of truth had arrived. It was the moment he had been waiting for. Blaine had planned it all. He knew that the second he would get out of the room, the football players would be waiting for him. Them. He was shaking, impatiently. He needed something to do with his hands, letting Kurt go that morning had been the hardest thing he had ever done. He did not want to give up. Not now.

What he had not planned was for Karofsky to wait for him, on his own. It would be easier.

“So, you’re joining the losers, Anderson?” Karofsky spat. “Welcome then.”

He threw a slushie on Blaine’s face. Blaine did not more, it was cold, it was burning his skin, yet he started laughing.

“You’re a dead man.”

Blaine jumped on him. He threw a punch, using everything he had learning when he was boxing.

He was on top of Karofsky, hit, again and again, harder each time. The football player was not even reacting.

Lauren stopped him and he got up. Maya was smiling, two cups of slushies in her hands while the Glee Club was watching.

“Welcome to you, David,” Blaine said before throwing one cup on him.

Lauren, Maya, and Hayley imitated him.

Blaine got on his knees and put his face close to Karofsky, his eyes bored into his.

“From now on, it’s an eye for an eye, got it?”

He did not wait for an answer. He did not care. He went to the bathroom to get changed. It had felt good, what he had done. He had started the war. He hoped that he would get enough allies to win.

An arm caught him as soon as he stepped out of the bathroom.

“Mister Anderson, Principal’s office, _now.”_

* * *

Kurt was sitting on a chair at his father’s bedside. He was holding his father’s hand, refusing to let it go, not even to eat. He felt guilty. So guilty. He had been immature and he could not get over the fact that his father – his hero, had been disappointed in him. Disappointed in his own son and now he was in this stupid hospital bed, unconscious, and it was probably Kurt’s fault.

“Hey,” Finn whispered.

“Hey… Finn? I...”

“Don’t. It’s fine. It doesn’t matter, we’re about to be brothers, man. I’m still hurt but I get it.”

“Thanks. So, what did I miss?”

Finn smiled and took a seat opposite him.

“So much.”

“Do tell.”

“The Skanks joined Glee Club and Anderson kicked Karofsky’s ass.”

“What?”

“Yeah. They sang and then, Anderson got slushied. So he hit Karofsky and broke his nose. The Skanks covered him in slushies.”

“He just started a war.”

“He did!”

“You seem happy.”

“It was cool. Well until he almost got kicked out of school. Good thing Tina was here.”

“Did they call his dad?”

“Why?”

“Nothing,” Kurt sighed. “So he didn’t get kicked out?”

“No. Tina told the Principal that her family loves Blaine and that was it.”

“What?”

“He’s afraid of Tina’s dad. He thinks he’s a vampire.”

“That’s just crazy.”

“I know.”

Kurt took out his phone and smiled.

**So, you thought starting a war was a good idea. – K**

_Not surprised you already know. – B_

**Finn is my almost step-brother. Of course, I know. – K**

_I had to do something, I don’t want to lose you – B_

**Am I supposed to make a choice? – K**

_No. – B_

**I’ll try to make this work – K**

_An idea on your mind? – B_

**You could say that – K**

_I couldn’t wait and I’m sorry. Love you – B_

**Love you too. It’ll be okay. I think. I have to go, Finn is watching me. – K**

_How’s your dad? – B_

**Nothing changed. I’ll keep you posted. Take care – K**

“So?” Finn asked.

“So what?”

“I don’t know. You’re texting. Anyone special?”

“No. Can you wait here? There’s something I have to do.”

“Sure.”

“Thank you.”

Kurt kissed his father’s forehead and left the room. He went outside and leaned against a wall to make a call.

“Porcelain? How is your father?”

“Hey, Tana. My dad is still in the coma.”

“I’m sorry, will he be okay?”

“I hope so. Can do me a favor?”

“Don’t tell me you want to go to Anderson’s. Britt was asking a lot of questions and I had a hard time convincing her.”

“No. No. You heard about the Skanks joining Glee and Blaine hitting Karofsky?”

“Of course, I did. Everybody knows.”

“Rachel has a crush on Finn. Finn is into it. I know Q is the manipulator of our group but you’re good too.”

“What do you need me to do?”

“Make sure Q wants us to join glee.”

“What?”

“Tana, this is our chance. We have Finn on our side. We could get Mike and Sam. We have the Skanks. Britt and Mercedes. This is it.”

“What’s the plan?”

“For now, I’m following Blaine. If he did that, he must have one.”

“Fine. Consider it done.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Are you coming back tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“Alright. See you tomorrow then.”

Kurt hung up and sighed.

He truly hoped that Blaine knew what he was doing, if he did not, Kurt had just signed the end of his popularity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi beautiful people, I hope you'll like this ♥


	6. The way I feel about you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,   
> I hope you are enjoying this story.   
> I'm sending everyone love ♥

«Today is gonna be the day  
That they're gonna throw in back to you  
By now you should've somehow  
Realised what you gotta do  
I don't believe that anybody  
Feels the way I do about you now »

Wonderwall – Oasis

* * *

  
  


February

  
  


Kurt parked his car in front of McKinley and sighed. He had trouble breathing and he put two fingers on his wrist to check his heartbeat.

He closed his eyes and tried to calm down. He had yet another migraine and he did not know how to make it through the day.

He jumped when the passenger door suddenly opened.

“Samuel!” He yelled. “You scared me.”

“Sorry,” Sam said as he took a seat. “I need to talk to you. How’s your father?”

“Still in a coma.”

“I’m sure he’ll be okay, Kurt.”

“I hope so.”

They both remained silent for a moment. Sam was looking out the window. Kurt saw Santana nodding at them and he sighed. Kurt saw Blaine arrive at school, his leather jacket fitting his body perfectly. Kurt stared at him, the memories from the night they shared hitting him. He wanted to cry, he wanted to get out of his car and run to Blaine. He wondered why he had picked popularity in the first place.

“Kurt?”

“Yes, Sam?”

“Look, I know Anderson is in love with you. This whole Karofsky thing is not a coincidence. Are you two together?”

“Sam…”

“It’s cool, dude. I don’t care if you’re gay or bi.”

“You didn’t care about Karofsky either?”

“I didn’t… This was not about him being gay!”

“Then why?”

“You’re my friend. We needed a way to get to him. He would have kept bothering you. So… Are you two together or what?”

“No. I’m with Brittany.”

“But you’d like being with him.”

“Maybe.”

“If you have a plan, I’m in.”

“What?”

“I got your back, dude.”

“Uh… Thank you?”

“Come on, we gotta go to class.”

“Yes.”

Kurt followed Sam. Blaine had been right, Sam was on their side. Sam, the popular football player had their back. Kurt had to hold on. He had good allies, he could not throw it all away.

When he got to school, Sam and Santana by his side, his eyes found Blaine’s for a second, and he felt more determined than ever.

A student ran into him and he smirked.

“You,” He growled.

Kurt watched the kid’s fear in his eyes. Kurt felt bad for him but he knew that he could not back down.

“Say you’re sorry.”

“I… I’m sorry.”

“Next time, be careful. If you’d screwed up my uniform you’d have to pay for it.”

“I… It won’t happen again.”

“Get lost.”

“Y-yes.”

“What are you losers watching? Go back to your pathetic lives!”

Kurt wanted to throw up. It was mean. It was awful.

He had to get back to Blaine. He had to be brave.

He ignored the looks his friends were giving him, he knew that they would follow him.

He was Kurt Hummel and he could do this.

Courage.

* * *

  
  


Kurt was dancing on the inside. Getting called to Sue Sylvester’s office could only mean one thing: they would have to join Glee Club.

“Porcelain, Q, Santana, Brittany, sit down,” Their coach said.

They looked at each other. Santana looked as surprised as him. They were the best couple of actors in this school he decided.

“You know I hate William Schuester,” Sue said.

“Yes,” They said together.

“Will got himself some new talents.”

“I don’t mean to offend you, Coach but the whole school knows,” Santana said.

“Doesn’t matter. I want to destroy Glee Club. You’re joining them.”

“I don’t understand,” Brittany whispered.

“I’ll explain,” Kurt sighed. “So you want us to join the losers to destroy them?”

“Exactly, Porcelain.”

“Do you realize what it means for us?”

“Kurt, we have to do it!” Quinn said.

“Why? Oh… No, Quinn. You just want us to do this to watch over Finn.”

“He’s too close to Berry.”

“So we have to ruin our image?”

“Please.”

“No way.”

“Porcelain, Quinn is right. Wait, let me give you a good reason.”

Blaine will be there, Kurt thought. He tried not to smile.

“I’m listening,” Kurt muttered.

“We’ll be able to insult them constantly. You’ll steal solos from Berry and she’ll be so sad she won’t talk anymore.”

“If you put it like that, fine. I’m in.”

“Good,” Sue growled. “Now get out of my office.”

* * *

  
  


Their plan was going well. William Schuester had not even asked questions. Rachel had tried to talk but Santana had dealt with her.

Now, Kurt was on his own in the hallway. He was on his way to join Brittany on the bleachers. He had to explain to her why they were joining the Glee Club but mostly he wanted to spend time with her. He knew he had neglected her.

“Joining the losers, Hummel?”

“Karofsky,” Kurt sighed. “If I heard right, one of those losers broke your nose and slushied you. Your own team does not want anything to do with you. Be careful, we might find you in the dumpsters.”

He was getting tired of him.

“You shouldn’t do this, Hummel.”

“Why not?”

“You really think you’re better than us?”

“Better than you, yes. That works for me. Now leave me alone, I have a girlfriend to see.”

“Pretty sure you’d rather be with a guy.”

“I’m starting to think you have a crush on me.”

“What did you just say?” Karofsky growled.

Suddenly, Kurt’s body was hitting a locker.

Kurt pushed off Karofsky. He realized he had hit his head again and his shoulder would have a bruise.

“Think what you want, Karofsky. At the end of the day, I’m dating one of the hottest girls in this school and you’re riding solo. Pretty sure your right hand has a name and a conscious by now.”

“Screw you.”

“Right.”

Kurt put his hand in the air and started walking.

“Pretty sure your dad is happy to die, at least he won’t have to deal with the disappointment anymore.”

Kurt turned around, his eyes black. He jumped on Karofsky and his right fist collided with his nose, the one Blaine had broken a few days earlier.

Karofsky was throwing him on the ground a second later, Kurt felt blood in his mouth.

He hated Karofsky.

* * *

  
  


Blaine was watching at the scene from afar. He was about to run to Karofsky, unable to deal with Kurt being hurt and doing nothing about it. His blood was boiling.

Before he could move, Maya was in front of him, her arms around his waist and her face nuzzling his neck. She whispered a few words in his ear.

Lauren and Hayley were blocking him as well and he wanted to scream.

Sam nodded as he passed them, running and screaming.

Blaine closed his eyes for a second and then he saw Sam’s arms grabbing Kurt. Then Finn was there as well, Karofsky was backing off.

Blaine clenched his first, knowing that he should have been the one to do it.

“Come on, let’s go,” Maya whispered. “You can’t be stupid.”

“I need to check on him...”

“Sam is dealing with it. It’ll be okay.”

“You don’t get it,” Blaine groaned.

“I do but now is not the time.”

“FUCK.”

“I know, Anderson.”

“We all do,” Hayley said softly. “Come on, let’s leave.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


“Kurt, you’re bleeding!” Brittany cried out when she saw him.

“I’m fine,” Kurt sighed. He let his bag fall on the steps. “Sorry, I’m late.”

“Why are you bleeding?”

“I got into a fight with Karofsky.”

“Why?”

“He still thinks I’m a dolphin.”

“But you’re not.”

“He also talked about my dad.”

“You lost your smile again.”

Kurt did not say anything. He sat behind his girlfriend and hugged her, her back against his chest. She raised her head and turned it to throw him a small smile. Kurt hid his face in her neck, breathed her in.

* * *

  
  


Blaine was fuming. Sitting on the steps with the Skanks, he smoked too much. Had he been able to, he would have smoked a joint which was not a good idea. He could not lose control now. High Blaine meant making mistakes. He had enough problems right now.

“Get a grip, Anderson,” Sam said.

Blaine looked up, Sam was leaning against a wall, his arms crossed against his chest.

“What are you doing here, Evans?”

“Calm down. I’m your friend, remember? Put away the claws, Zizes.”

“Is he okay?” Blaine asked.

He needed to know. He needed to know that Kurt was okay.

“Split lip but it’s not too bad.”

“Emotionally, Evans,” Blaine sighed. “Is he okay?”

“Oh. Yeah. I think so? He’s with Britt.”

Blaine clenched his fists again. Of course, Kurt was with his girlfriend while Blaine wanted to scream to the world that they loved each other.

Stupid high school. Stupid society.

“Yeah.” He got up from the steps. “I’m going. Thanks, Evans.”

Blaine walked away. Pictures of Kurt and Brittany were swirling in his head. His heart was squeezing in his chest. He felt empty. He knew it should have been him instead of her.

He hated Karofsky.

He hated Lima.

There was so much rage in him he felt his head spin from it. He needed air. He needed an outlet.

He decided to go to the gym and walked through the field. He looked up and his eyes seemed to always be able to find Kurt anywhere. It was like he had a radar. A Kurtradar? He was being ridiculous. They were here. Brittany and Kurt. They were kissing and Blaine sighed, his eyes dark, and kept walking.

* * *

  
  


Blaine was hitting the punching-ball, he had been for over an hour. He was relentless, focused. He was thinking about the lessons he had taken in the past.

Don’t lose focus.

Keep your guard up.

Don’t stop hitting.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Keep up the rhythm.

Keep moving.

Never stop moving.

Start over.

In his mind, he was hitting David Karofsky. He imagined hitting every person responsible for his unhappiness.

He hit the bag a little bit harder and screamed, letting the rage go.

“What did this poor thing do to you, Anderson?” Santana asked. “Let me guess, this is Karofsky?” ,

His fist was in the air. He let it fall to his side and turned around, out of breath and sweaty.

“The bag was here, I needed an outlet. To answer your question: yes. This is Karofsky.”

“Sam told me,” Santana sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care.”

“Did you see them together?”

“Yes.”

“It sucks.”

“It does.”

“He loves you, you know that, right?”

“You love Brittany. That does not seem to change anything. I mean, what does it change? Nothing. It makes it worse. You love each other. We love each other. Look at us! You’re not with her. Kurt is. We’re all suffering and I’m sick of it!”

“Anderson, calm down. I love Britt’, you’re right.”

“How can you take it?”

“I love her, I just told you. Listen, Hobbit. She’s happy with him.”

“He’s happy with me. I’m the right choice.”

“That might be true but Porcelain is not ready. He’s trying, you should hold on to that. He’s trying to make it to be with you.”

“I need him, Lopez.”

“I know that, Hobbit. Be patient.”

“Yeah, yeah. Can you stop with the nickname? It’s exhausting.”

“Get used to it, proves you have my respect.”

“What are you on about?”

“I respect what you do for him, Anderson. Kurt might be my best friend and I care. Our relationship is weird. I won’t try to explain. I think you get it. You love him and you’re not giving up. You don’t stop fighting and I respect that.”

“You could fight, Santana.”

“Not now.”

“Why not?”

“It’s not the right time. We’ll make it, Anderson. You started a war but it’s not the time for the battle yet.”

“Will you fight then?”

“Yes.”

“You’re waiting for the fight.”

“I can’t wait to kick some ass, yes.”

Santana smiled at him for the first time, ever. It was not a smirk. It was not a fake smile. It was a message of acceptance. Blaine smiled too. They were not enemies anymore. They were suddenly allies, fighting a corrupt system.

He was starting to like it.

“Anderson?”

“Yeah?”

“I wanted to say I’m sorry. I know I’m one of the reasons Kurt let you go, I know it hurt you and I’m sorry about it.”

“Fight on our side when the time is right and I’ll forgive you.”

“Deal.”

* * *

  
  


Blaine walked through the field again. He had stayed at the gym for two hours. Before leaving him, Santana had advised him to go back and look up to the bleachers.

A part of him hoped that it was her way of letting him know that Kurt would be waiting for him and that they would be able to talk. He needed to talk to him. He needed to make sure that Kurt was okay.

Blaine was scared, though. What if Kurt was still with Brittany? Would he have to go back to hitting the punching-ball? He was exhausted.

Kurt was there, on his own. He was sitting on the bleachers, waiting.

Was he waiting for Blaine?

Blaine walked up to the bleachers. There was no one around.

Classes were done.

The football players were not training today.

They were not risking anything.

Kurt finally saw him. He smiled that smile that was only for Blaine. Kurt ran and they were suddenly facing each other. 

“How’s your lip?” Blaine asked.

“How are your fists? Santana told me about your boxing cession.”

“Does she tell you everything?”

“Blaine.”

“My fists are fine. I’m tired.”

“Sorry.”

“You’ve been sorry a whole lot lately.”

“I guess, yeah.”

Blaine crossed his arms over his chest and looked up to the bleachers.

“Do you remember?”

“Uh?”

“That first game we went to together? How old were we…? Ten?”

“Of course, I do. We were ten. You were so excited. My dad and you spent the night screaming.”

“You were reading a magazine. Vogue if I remember correctly.”

Kurt nodded.

“I hate football.”

“I know, you still came.”

“You were happy. I miss him, Blaine.”

“I know. I miss him too. Not as much as you but I understand.”

“You still think of him as your father?”

“Of course… He was always there for me, he took care of me so...”

“I’m so sorry...”

“I forgive you… I have for a long time. Come here.”

Blaine grabbed his hand and pulled him to him. Kurt was frozen for a second.

“There’s no one around, I checked,” Blaine whispered.

Kurt relaxed in his arms. He smiled when he felt Kurt’s fingers grab the back on his leather jacket.

“One day, I’ll hold your hand publicly. I’ll kiss you in front of everyone. I’ll scream that I love you. I’ll scream that I’m lucky to have you. I know it’s hard for you. I know you wanted to be there for me today and you were...”

“No, baby. Brittany, Sam, Finn were there. I was not.”

“I saw you though. It gave me strength.”

“Good. I like your plan by the way. I’ll wait.”

“Thank you.”

Kurt let go of him and Blaine noticed his eyes were wet.

“I have to go,” Kurt whispered. “Carole is making dinner tonight.”

“Alright. Can I just ask why you were here on your own?”

“I think it was Santana’s plan. She told me to wait for an angry Hobbit.”

“She’s not that bad.”

“I know,” Kurt smiled.

“I miss you,” Blaine sighed.

Kurt let him take his hand. He looked around and slowly pressed a kiss on Blaine’s lips. He flinched, which made Blaine feel guilty.

“I love you,” Kurt said. “I’m not forgetting that you love me, so don’t forget either. Be strong.”

“Courage,” Blaine said. “I remember. Call me tonight?”

“I promise.”

“Love you too.”

They smiled and let go of each other’s hands.

Blaine watched him leave.

It was hard but his day seemed brighter.

He had to be strong.

  
  


  
  


  
  



	7. Perfect

« I'm in the business of misery, let's take it from the top

She's got a body like an hourglass that's ticking like a clock

It's a matter of time before we all run out

But when I thought he was mine she caught him by the mouth

I waited eight long months, she finally set him free

I told him I couldn't lie, he was the only one for me

Two weeks and we caught on fire

She's got it out for me but I wear the biggest smile

Whoa, I never meant to brag

But I got him where I want him now

Whoa, it was never my intention to brag

To steal it all away from you now »

Misery Business – Paramore

* * *

  
  


End of March

  
  


Kurt had been in Glee Club with his friends for three weeks. He had to admit that he liked it. Rachel Berry was annoying, William Schuester was old school, Kurt thought that he had to understand that the eighties were over. Deep down, Glee was a place where he could forget a little bit and it made his daily visits to the hospital easier.

A month and his father was still in a coma. Kurt knew that it was not good and he was losing hope.

Blaine was here for him which made Kurt wonder what he would have done without his support.

He saw Brittany and Artie arrive and frowned. Those past weeks, Kurt had been an awful boyfriend. He was barely spending time with her, too busy with the cheerios, glee club, and Blaine.

He was seeing Blaine every week-end in secret…

Brittany was finding comfort in Artie and they were hanging out a lot. Kurt was not jealous but he was aware that he should have been the one hanging out with her.

Worst boyfriend ever, he thought.

“Kurtie?” She said softly when they walked up to him.

“Yes?”

“Can I talk to you?”

“Of course, Britt,” Kurt smiled.

He got nervous. He knew how bad it was. Brittany took his hand and led him to the glee club room. Artie was still outside and Kurt sighed. He already knew what she wanted to say.

“You want to talk about Artie,” Kurt whispered.

“Yes,” Brittany said, her head down. “Lord Tubbington said that I should tell you the truth and… I don’t think you love me anymore.”

“Britt’, do you want to be with Artie?” She ignored his question. “I love you but… I don’t think I love you the way I’m supposed to.”

“I don’t want to hurt you… Do you love Blaine Skanks?”

Kurt put a finger under Brittany’s chin and made her look up at him.

“Does he make you happy?”

He ignored the last question on purpose.

“Yes,” She said, nodding.

“Good. It’s good. I was not very good with you and I’m sorry. If he ever hurts you, come to me, alright?”

“Why?’

“Because nobody can hurt you without me teaching them how wrong that is. You’re magical, Brittany and everybody should respect you.”

“You’re not mad?”

“No. You are my friend, Brittany. I love you even though I’m not in love with you.”

“I love you too.”

“Come here.”

Brittany went into his arms willingly. He hugged her close to him and kissed the top of her head.

That was it. They were over. What was he supposed to do?

“You didn’t answer, are you in love with Blaine Skanks?” She asked, her voice muffled against his chest.

“I don’t know, honey.”

“I think you are. Are you bi-curious?”

“Maybe. I really don’t know. Does that make you mad?”

“No. You are amazing Kurt. You’re just as magical as I am. I love you the way you are.”

Kurt smiled before letting her go. He kissed her lips one last time and left the room.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Lunch had been tough for Kurt. Everybody was aware that he was single. Three girls had already asked him out. That was the price of popularity he guessed. It made him a little angry.

He still had time before his next class so he decided to hide below the bleachers. He froze when he saw a familiar black ponytail, a red and white uniform, and shoulders shaking. He took off his jacket and put it on the young woman sitting on the ground. He sat down next to her.

“Bad day?” He asked, taking her hand. Santana Lopez nodded, her eyes wet and tears running down her face. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Why did you let her go? Fuck! WHY DIDN’T YOU KEEP HER? WHY?”

“San… I couldn’t make her stay with me.”

“She won’t be with me anymore.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know?”

“It will all be like usual, Tana.”

“Why is she with him?”

“I don’t know. We can’t prevent it though.”

“One day, I’ll be legit with her, I swear it, Kurt.”

“That’s all I want for you.”

“We need our plan to work. I can’t lose her. With you, it was fine, Kurt. I knew that it was not...”

“Real?”

“Yeah but with him?”

“I know. Come here.”

Santana took his hand and put her head on his shoulder. Kurt put an arm around her and held her.

“We should get together,” Santana said.

“What about Sam?”

“We’re done. It ended last week.”

“But…”

“We’re friends, that’s it.”

“Oh.”

“What do you think?”

“Tana...”

“Porcelain, we both know it would be a good idea.”

“I can’t.”

“Because of Anderson?”

“No. I can’t, because of you, because of me. Britt and I… It was a mistake. You’re angry, you’re sad but we both know it’s not a good idea. You’re my best friend, believe it or not.”

“Then go out with me.”

“I...”

“We won’t have to do anything. I need a boyfriend, you need a girlfriend. It would work.”

“Santana.”

“Why don’t you want to?”

“You’re my best friend,” Kurt repeated. “I care about you so much and… I’m in love with Blaine.”

“He wouldn’t mind.”

“He’s hurting enough as it is.”

Santana put his head down and laughed.

“I’m sorry, Porcelain. My bitchy side comes out when I’m hurting. You’re right, it would be a mistake. Thank you.”

“I can still make you an offer.”

“I’m listening.”

“Sleep at my place tonight. We’ll get ice-cream, we’ll watch a movie, and we’ll mock people.”

“Isn’t this a cliché?”

“We are a cliché.”

“That is true.”

“I’ll go to the hospital first and ask Carole. I’ll text you, okay?”

“Thank you, Porcelain.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Kurt kissed the side of her head and stayed with her, the two of them quiet until it was time for them to get to class.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Kurt was about to go to the hospital but he decided to go to the bathroom before leaving. He went into the girl’s bathroom as usual. There were not many students in school and given the war going on between him and Karofsky he did not want to risk running into him.

He watched himself in the mirror and smiled. He was in a good mood, considering everything.

He heard a sob, followed by a retching sound, and walked towards the stalls to listen.

“No… It can’t be… No...”

Quinn?

Kurt pushed the door open. Quinn was on the floor, her knees bent and her head leaning on them. He crouched in front of her and ran his fingers through her hair softly.

“Q?”

“Kurt...”

Quinn was suddenly in his arms and he fell backward, almost knocking himself out in the process. He did hit his head a little and groaned in pain. He still felt the bump from his fall when he had heard about his father sometimes. His migraines were bad enough, he did not need to make it worse.

He shook his head, set on focusing on Quinn, sobbing on his uniform.

“Hey, what’s going on?”

“Kurt… Kurt… I… I...”

“Shh… Calm down, breathe. It’s gonna be okay.”

She tried to breathe and picked up a stick from the floor. She closed her eyes and handed it to Kurt.

Oh.

“You...”

“Please, Kurt. You can’t tell anyone!”

Crap.

He held her a little tighter, his fingers still running in her hair. He had to take her home. He had to get going. He had to go to the hospital and deal with Santana.

As if he was not going through enough, now he had to deal with Quinn Fabray being pregnant.

  
  


* * *

  
  


“Burt, I know that I should have come sooner. I’m sorry. I didn’t have the strength. I wasn’t brave enough. I suck, uh? You’re like a father to me and I don’t even come to see you. I was scared of running into Kurt… I listened, you know. I didn’t let him go. I didn’t give up on him. He loves me. He told me. We’re gonna fight, Burt. We have plans. We’ll make it. I’ll make him happy. I need you to wake up. Please, Burt. Don’t leave us. You have to see us win. You have to see Kurt smile. He’s smiling again...”

Kurt was standing, his eyes wide, like a deer caught in headlights, Carole frozen next to him. He felt a tear roll down his cheek as he remembered the last time Blaine had seen his father. Kurt had been in his room, he had been crying. He had heard his father open the door. He had walked down the stairs slowly, not enough to be seen but enough to be able to hear.

“You had a change of look,” Burt had told Blaine.

Kurt had been able to imagine them, sitting on the couch together.

He had seen Blaine that day. He had been wearing a leather jacket and had piercings now. Kurt had felt his heart break.

“Burt, I need to see Kurt.”

Burt had sighed.

“I don’t know what’s happening but he asked me not to let you up if you showed up. I’m so sorry buddy but I can’t go against his wish.”

“I understand,” Blaine had sighed.

“What happened, Blaine? He doesn’t talk to me. You’ve been best friends since you two were six!”

“Kurt thinks being popular is more important.”

“And you let him?”

“What else am I supposed to do? He doesn’t want to talk to me. He doesn’t want to see me. You said it yourself.”

“You love my son.”

“I do.”

“Does he love you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then fight, son.”

“What?”

Kurt had almost fallen down the stairs, his heart beating fast. He had not been able to believe that his father was asking Blaine to fight for him.

“I’m asking you to fight. I know you. You’re the only one who can bring him back. Don’t let him go, Blaine, I’m begging you.”

“Don’t you hate me?”

“Why would I?”

“I told you I’m gay.”

“I got that part, yes.”

“I love a boy.”

“I know what gay means, Blaine.”

“I’m in love with your son.”

“And I think he’s lucky.”

Kurt had heard Blaine’s sobs. He had imagined his father’s arms around the boy. He had gone back to his room, ignoring his pain, their pain. He had put on music and had gone to sleep.

Kurt was shaken from his memory when Carole took a step forward.

“Hi, I’m sorry?”

Blaine jumped to his feet. He turned around and saw Kurt and Carole standing at the door.

“Hi, you must be Carole.”

“You’re Blaine, aren’t you?”

“You know about me?”

“Burt told me about you.”

Blaine was staring at Kurt, still frozen on the spot.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Hummel.”

Blaine walked up to her and shook her hand. It snapped Kurt out of his thoughts.

“Anderson, what are you doing here?”

“Kurt, I just heard what he said, you can stop the charade,” Carole smiled.

“What?”

“It explains so much. He’s right, you are smiling again.”

Kurt looked at Blaine, who was trying not to laugh. The situation they were in was ridiculous.

“Carole, can you give us a moment?” Kurt whispered.

“Of course.”

“Oh and… Can Santana and Quinn sleep at our place tonight? We’re all going through some stuff and...”

Of course, honey. Blaine, it was a pleasure.”

Carole shook her head, a small tired smile on her lips, and closed the door behind her.

“Are you planning on ignoring me?” Blaine asked softly.

“What were you thinking?” Kurt replied coldly.

“I needed to talk to your father… He always was a good listener. I didn’t know you two would show up.”

“You could have been more careful!”

“I needed to talk,” Blaine snapped.

“Don’t you see what we’re risking?”

“I’m not risking anything, you are! You’re making this more complicated than it has to be, Kurt!”

“I’m making things complicated?”

“Yes. You can’t even tell your step-mother we’re still friends,” Blaine scoffed. “I’m not asking you to come out or tell her we’re in love, but don’t hide me.”

“I’m not hiding you!”

“Yes, you are! Whatever.”

Blaine was about to leave and Kurt knew it. He wondered how it could have gone so wrong. His head was still hurting so badly. He was stressed, lacked sleep.

“Blaine, wait!”

He grabbed Blaine’s hand and made him turn around. He put his arms around his waist and brought him to his body. He relaxed when he felt Blaine’s arms hugging him back.

“Kurt...”

“I’m sorry,” Kurt breathed. “I’m just stressed...”

“I’m angry,” Blaine muttered, his voice muffled by the fact he was nuzzling his neck.

“I didn’t mean to make you angry.”

“It wasn’t just you. It was everything.”

“What?”

“The whole school knows about you and Brittany. I’m wondering when you’ll get a new girlfriend.”

Kurt pushed him away, Blaine looked baffled for a second.

“You’re an idiot!”

“So are you.” They stared at each other with black eyes. Both of them angry. Both of them hurt. “What’s happening with Fabray and Lopez?”

“Santana is just as angry as you about my break up with Brittany. I can’t believe you really knew about it.”

“I heard every single girl I passed wondering who would be your next girlfriend.”

“I’m not planning on dating anyone, for now.”

“Yeah… For now.”

“As for Santana, well, Britt’ is with Artie and it’s different.”

“I hope they’ll be fine.”

“Quinn is pregnant.”

“I...” Blaine raised his eyebrow and took a second to think. “Did not see that one coming,” He finished, voice low.

“I don’t know how Finn will react...”

“How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know. Might have been what made me snap. I’m really sorry. What happened to you?”

“Had a fight with my dad,” Blaine muttered. “I lost it too. I don’t want to talk about it. For now, I’m just going to let you talk to yours, okay?”

“Stay.”

“Kurt, are you sure?”

“I need you, stay.”

Blaine nodded. He intertwined their fingers together and sat with Kurt.

Kurt squeezed his hand as he stared at his father.

It felt nice not to be alone.

* * *

  
  


“Seriously, Q? How could you do this?” Santana asked, sitting on Kurt’s bed.

“I don’t know!” Quinn cried out. “Do you think I need the reminder? I thought this was supposed to cheer me up.”

“Girls, calm down. Both of you,” Kurt said. “Quinn, are you telling Finn?”

“It’s… Kurt, please don’t be mad.”

“It’s not his,” Santana scoffed.

“What?”

“How do you know that?” Quinn asked.

“Please, I’m not an idiot.”

“Q?”

“It’s Puck’s.”

“It keeps getting better and better.”

“Santana, please,” Kurt growled. He started pacing.

“Kurt, I...”

“You have to tell Finn. I won’t lie to him, Q. Not about this. I’m your friend but he’s my brother and you owe him the truth. Does Puck know?”

“No.”

“You have to tell him.”

“I’d rather not.”

“You have to, though. We’ll be there for you, won’t we, Santana?”

“Of course, we’re the unholy trinity. You were bound to do something like this.”

“Not helping,” Quinn muttered. She still gave them a small smile. “Finn will hate me and he’ll end up with Rachel.”

“We’ll see… He won’t be happy, that’s sure.”

As if he had heard them, Finn knocked on Kurt’s door and came in.

“Quinn? Santana?”

“Oh, hey Finn,” Kurt said. “Girl night. Carole didn’t tell you?”

“No. Is everything okay?”

“My girlfriend dumped me today,” Kurt deadpanned.

“Right. Sorry, dude. Will you be okay?”

“Yeah, it’s all good.”

“Quinn? Were you crying?” Finn asked.

She gave Kurt a look full of despair and he nodded. She got up and walked up to her boyfriend. She took his hand and they left.

“This is gonna get ugly, get ready, Porcelain.”

“Tana...”

“I told you, I’m a bitch when I’m not doing okay.”

“Come on, let’s watch the movie.”

Kurt pressed play and lied down. Santana cuddled up next to him.

“Anderson is lucky,” She whispered.

“Why?”

“You’re awesome. Q could have lied to Finn if you hadn’t talked her out of it.”

“You really think so?”

“Sure.”

Kurt shook his head, thinking it was unbelievable.

He jumped when he heard his phone. He wondered what problem was waiting for him. It really was not his day.

“Sorry, Tana.”

He got up and answered.

“Kurt?”

“Blaine? Are you crying?”

“I know… I know you’re with Santana and Quinn. I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I called.”

“Because you’re upset. Calm down, I’m right here.”

Santana nodded when he gave her a look. She shrugged as she focused on the movie. Kurt sat down on the window ledge.

“I… My dad and I got into another fight. It did not end well.”

“How bad?”

“He…”

“Blaine?”

“He punched me.”

“Where are you?”

“My room. My mom told me to stay there.”

“Is he hurt?”

“I… He had a black eye. Well, two.” Kurt could hear Blaine’s smile through the phone.

“You’re proud of yourself, aren’t you?”

“He deserved it,” Blaine grunted.

“Blaine, he’s your dad.”

“I know, I know. I couldn’t take it anymore.”

“I know… You should get some rest, lie down okay? I’m right here.”

Kurt stayed on the phone with Blaine until he had fallen asleep. He hung up when he heard Blaine’s soft breathing on the other line.

He put his phone down and went back to Santana. He was worried about Blaine. He knew his father, he knew that Xavier Anderson could make his life impossible should he want to.

“This gave me cavity,” Santana said.

“Shut it.”

“It was cute.”

“What? Did you just…?”

“I never said anything, Porcelain.”

“I appreciate the effort,” Kurt laughed.

They heard yelling and a door getting slammed. They both looked at each other and nodded.

“I’ll deal with Q, you take care of Finn,” Santana sighed.

“Yeah.”

Kurt sprinted to Finn’s room and went in without knocking. His brother was pacing. He was angry and Kurt felt bad for him.

“Finn,” He whispered.

Finn turned around, his eyes dark.

“You knew, didn’t you?” He spat. “You knew she’s pregnant! You knew I’m not the father! You knew she cheated!”

“No. I didn’t. I found out today. I found all this out today. I told her to tell you the truth.”

“Why? You could have lied for her.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” Kurt sighed. “Quinn is one of my best friends but you’re my brother. I wouldn’t be able to lie. I just… She’s the one that had to tell you. It’s not my place.”

“Sorry,” Finn muttered.

Kurt shook his head. He was not mad at Finn. He figured that he would be mad as well. He put a hand on Finn’s arm. He did not know why, he just wanted to help. Finn caught him in a bear hug and broke down. He was sobbing, Kurt’s body shaking from it.

“You’ve changed,” Finn said.

“What?”

“You’re less cold.”

“You’re an idiot. I can’t be cold when you’re dealing with something like this.”

“I guess… Sorry, I yelled.”

“You needed to let it out. Look, Finn…” Kurt said after patting him on the back awkwardly. “I won’t pick a side. Quinn is my friend, you’re my brother, I don’t agree with what she did but she does need me… Santana too… Don’t ask questions. If it bothers you, I can… We can go somewhere else. I can stay with you too.”

“No, no. I get it. I’ll call Sam, we’ll play games. She can stay. I’m just… I’ll let my mom know.”

“Will you tell her everything?”

“Not everything.”

“Okay.”

“Thank you, Kurt. I appreciate it.”

Finn went out of his room, Kurt behind him. He went back to his two friends. Quinn was crying on Santana and Kurt sighed softly.

“Move along girls, I get to be in the middle tonight.”

He made his way in the middle of them and they both latched on him. Kurt put his arms around both of them.

Quinn calmed down after a while. In the silence, Kurt was able to think.

Finn might try to get revenge on Puck. Quinn might lose her spot. Brittany was not his girlfriend anymore.

His plans were falling apart.

He had to think about a way to turn things around.

He could not lose now.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Please don't hesitate to comment, leave Kudos and let me know what you think !  
> I will try to post as soon as I can.  
> I do have the whole story, just need to translate it. 
> 
> Everybody take care, spread love and happiness.


End file.
